Happy 1st Birthday Oaklyn Joy!

Monday, February 22, 2016

Today is my baby girl's first birthday.
Her monthly stats post will most likely be posted tomorrow because we have her dr. appt. tomorrow, but today I just wanted to write a little about the first year.

At 10:54 am on February 22, 2015 I became a mother.
Labor was hard. Until I got the epidural.
Other than occasionally freaking out that "this was really it" my labor after the epidural was incredibly smooth and actually somewhat peaceful.
I talked to the nurse between pushes and pushing was actually quite easy... other than almost throwing up from heart burn...
I gave one last push using all my might and looked up to see a tiny baby girl with tons of dark brown hair.
Hunter's face lit up and I instantly began to cry out of happiness.
It was such an incredible moment that I'll cherish forever.
If you know me, I have to take a picture of just about everything, and I don't have a single picture from this moment.
Not because it wasn't special... but because my mind was completely focused on her and for the first time ever, I actually overlooked taking pictures and just lived in the moment. 
I often wish I could go back to that moment, and just relive it over and over.

This entire day I've been reliving her birth day or "first day" in my head.
"Oaklyn you were born 15 minutes ago one year ago!" "This time last year I was getting ready to push!" "Hunter, this picture was taken exactly a year ago!" Remember how people kept coming in our room just to look at her because she was such a beautiful newborn?"
It's just so surreal to me that the first year has already come and gone.

I threw Oaklyn quite a big party.
It may seem a bit ridiculous, but it was also somewhat a celebration for me. For completing my first year of motherhood.
This past year was the most trying, amazing, wonderful, exhausting, lovely, spiritual, and rewarding year of my life. 
I remember several nights, getting down on my knees at 2 am pleading with my Father in Heaven to just make her fall asleep. 
I remember staying in the shower longer that I needed to just to get some much needed alone time.
I remember leaving her for the first time with someone other than family and feeling the biggest pit in my stomach.
I also remember the first time she smiled and realizing motherhood is the greatest calling life will offer. 
I remember the first time she giggled so clearly, I had never heard a sweeter sound. 
I remember feeling such pride the first time she rolled over, sat up, stood up, slept through the night, and ate all on her own.

This past year has been a roller coaster of several different emotions.
I dealt with PPD/PPA for the first 6 months of her life. 
I still get anxious more often than I used to, but I now can't picture life without my little girl.
She has filled a place in both me and  Hunter's hearts we didn't know existed. 
I'm still trying to figure out what I did with my time before having her ha. 
I've tried to avoid crying all day long, but in the quiet moments I've spent looking at pictures of her taken throughout her first year of life, I just can't help but get weepy.
It goes too fast. The days seemed long but the weeks were short. 
The months, even shorter.
Being a mommy is the greatest thing that has happened to me.
It is a love that can't be explained until you experience it.
It is selfless and unconditional.
It is forgiving and tender.
It is protective and truly incredible.
I highly recommend it :)

Oaklyn Joy, your life has made my life worth it.
Having you has been my greatest adventure.
I can't wait to experience the years to come.
I love you to the moon and back!

All my love,

ps. we had a wonderful day filled with funfetti pancakes, Costco Samples, Quesadillas, tricycle riding, and riding around the mall on these animal things ha.
I think she loved it :)

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