PPD Round Two

I've been meaning to write this post for some time now but couldn't seem to find the time to write it. #momlife. I've been asked several times if I went through PPD again this time. The short answer is no, not nearly anything like I did after having Oaklyn. But, I did have some form of baby blues and anxiety this time. It was short but it was still heavy. I thought I'd talk about what I did different this time and how it all went down quite a bit differently. This is a really personal topic, but I strongly believe it needs to be talked about more. I talked about this on my blog a few years ago, but I suffered from PPD really badly after having Oaklyn. The whole experience rocked my world and completely caught me off guard. While I had definitely felt upset and had low points before, I had never experienced something so life changing before. I remember feeling almost paralyzed from such intense feelings of failure, sadness, anxiety, anger, and loneliness. I honestly felt like I had no control over my emotions and thoughts which lead to feeling like I had no control over my life. I didn't connect well with my baby, the people around me, even my husband anymore! It completely took over my life and I felt consumed in a really dark cloud that could not be lifted. I knew it was really bad when I woke up from an awful dream and hoped that I would just die. I didn't have it in me to actually take my life, so I had hoped that somehow, it would just be taken from me. I actually remember praying that I would get in a car crash or something and that everyone would be okay except me. To me, it felt like everyone's lives would be better without me in them. Just so you know, I know how awful all that is. I know it's not true. I know how hard that is to read for some people... but I know better now and I hope that talking about the depths of those feelings I had will only help someone else know they aren't alone... Because of pride mostly, I chose to endure this awful time unmedicated. I kept thinking I could do it on my own. So here's my first piece of advice, please don't try to do it alone. There are so many resources out there! Take it from me who suffered through PPD severely for about 10 months... it's not worth it to live a life that you feel is worthless. If it takes medication or a therapist or whatever else, it's worth it. 

Okay back to it... So, when I found out I was pregnant with Cam, one of my first thoughts was PPD. It completely terrified me thinking I had to go through it again. I spent most of my pregnancy hoping this baby would never come out. I was THAT scared. I was honestly dreading the arrival of this baby. I started putting the nursery together extremely late, I put off washing all the newborn clothes, and I packed my hospital bag the night before being induced... You guys, I was seriously sick to my stomach over going through all I went through with Oaklyn. It. Was. Miserable. I did my research this time on ways to prevent it, I invested in a few things I hoped would help ease my anxiety, and I prayed continuously that I would have a different experience this time around. The night before, I felt a weird amount of peace. I laid down for bed, put my hands on my tummy, and started to talk to this baby I was about to meet. I told her I loved her and apologized that I might be a little crazy at first. I told her I would love her like crazy but that I would probably make mistakes... More than anything, I think I was talking to myself trying assure myself that it would all be okay. 

The next morning I woke up with a bundle of nerves. Yes, I was nervous about the labor and delivery part... but I was mainly worried about how I would feel after it was all said and done. I honestly felt like I was just getting myself back before getting pregnant. I didn't want to entirely lose myself again. I will forever be grateful that I decided to deliver at a completely different hospital than I did with Oaklyn because it was a fresh start. I didn't want to be thinking about the way I felt in the hospital the first time around. I didn't want my previous negative experience to affect my second birth. You guys, that was such a great decision! I loved my doctor with Oaklyn, but chose a different one this time because I wanted a different hospital. I delivered at Orem Community and it was all around a wonderful experience but here's what made the biggest differences for me... 1) I insisted on keeping the curtains open. I wanted to let as much light in as possible. Having the sunshine let into my room created a really happy environment for me. 2) Everyone in the room stayed calm. Hunter was encouraging, my nurse and doctor were awesome, and my sister calmly watched and took photos after. It was honestly perfect for me. 3) Family and friends came to visit almost immediately after she was born. Having that company there was so good for me. It made me feel so much less alone and I really felt the love and support I needed. 4) I brought a comfy robe to change into. The day after her birth, I wore a floral robe, took a shower, and put on some mascara. I couldn't believe how much good it did to just take care of myself a little. 5) I took advantage of the nursery. With Oaklyn, I refused it. I felt like I was a bad mom if I had them take her. It was hard to let them take cam because those feelings crept back in, but I got three straight hours of incredibly needed sleep and that helped rejuvenate me to be a better mom for her. 

The first week was mostly wonderful. Cam was the dreamiest little newborn, my mom was there to help with anything I needed, Hunter was home quite a bit, and I was just able to ease into life with two. However, one afternoon the flood gates opened and I was so frightened by it I felt like I was drowning. Mom, don't get mad at me for not telling you about this part... I didn't want to scare you ha. Cam had an appointment to get her bilirubin levels tested. The hospital was right by a cool park so my mom took Oaklyn and I took Cam. The second my mom and Oaks left I had a meltdown. I sobbed on my way to the hospital and could not get myself under control. I missed Oaklyn, I missed my body, I felt frantic about totally random things... suddenly I was so nervous that the awful post partum depression was back. I texted Hunter and let him know how I was feeling so he was aware. He was awesome and supportive and that helped tons. But, I just couldn't convince myself I was okay. I choked back tears the entire time I was at the hospital. Cam was being an angel and really nothing should have been upsetting to me, but I felt the opposite. That is what PPD and PPA is... it's having absolutely no control over your thoughts or emotions and it is completely awful. I picked up my mom and Oaklyn and the rest of the afternoon was going well. My mom had to leave to meet with a client she had in the area and we all tried to nap. Hunter was holding cam, oaks was asleep, and there I was, sobbing about who knows what? Hunter was a champ and just talked me through it. He held me and did everything he could to make sure I was okay. More than anything I just felt so disappointed. I totally thought that this time would be different and there I was feeling helpless and overwhelmed all over again. Hunter and I both thought it was a good idea for me to see my doctor and discuss medication and just knowing that was an option gave me a moment of peace. I was able to get a little sleep and woke up with hope. The next week or so went a million times better. I was so much less emotional and I was getting good amounts of sleep. I started to feel like maybe I was in the clear again. 

After my mother in law left, I was completely on my own. Hunter worked two jobs and went to school full time and was pretty much gone from 7am-11pm every night. I felt SO alone. I was impatient with Oaklyn, I was tired, I was overwhelmed, I felt hopeless and helpless and suddenly it all surfaced again. I was hardly getting sleep because my anxiety was taking complete control of my body and I just wanted to run away from all of this and never look back. If you read my post about PPD after Oaklyn, you might remember something Hunter had told me one night when the depression and anxiety were at an all time high... He told me that I just needed to accept the trial. That I needed to stop trying to push it out of my life and feel sorry for myself, instead I needed to embrace it. Part of embracing it was praying and asking the Lord to help me through it. If it wasn't time for Him to take it away, then I just needed His help to get me through it. In this moment the second time around, of feeling lost and broken, I pleaded with my Heavenly Father that He would get me through it all in one piece. That I would figure out how to gain even a little bit of control over all of this, and that I would feel strong and able. The next few days got gradually better as I truly looked for ways to make my life feel normal again. And I think that's the biggest difference I made this time around. Instead of trying to act like it wasn't there when it clearly was, I chose to recognize it, live with it, and change it. The first time around I bottled up all of the feelings and unwanted emotion which caused an unhealthy amount of pent up sadness, anger, and anxiety that would all release really heavy when I didn't expect it. This time, I decided to keep working on blog stuff because that helps give me feelings of purpose. This is a weird one... but I decided to shower at night again like I used to. I always felt like I didn't have time to at night and I was so tired that I just stopped doing it even though I loved it. So, I made that a priority again. I got ready every morning even if that took sticking oaks in front of the tv and wrapping cam on my chest... I got ready and in turn felt ready for whatever life through my way. I went on a walk every single day. Whether it was short or long, I went. I needed that sunshine and fresh air desperately. I napped when my girls napped. I insisted that once a day, they would nap at the same time so I could nap. I tried not to care about things that needed to get done, and instead tried to care about my personal needs. I tidied up every night. Not any major deep cleaning, I just tidied up. That way I woke up to a clean apartment and felt more motivated to make it a good day. I made my bed everyday, because that meant I at least accomplished one thing on my to-do list haha! I made an effort to have a play date with friends once a week so I got girl talk and Oaklyn got to play with friends. I Facetimed and called my mom whenever I wanted because honestly, I just missed her and felt a lot of support and love from her. She always answered and it helped tons since Hunter worked so much. I started working out and eating healthier at the 6 week mark and was so impressed at how much better my mood was. And lastly, I said yes to help SO much more than I ever did with Oaklyn. People wanted to help, so I let them. You guys, I got meals for two entire weeks after my mother in law left because friends just kept asking if they could bring them. It was a lifesaver! All of these things brought my anxiety levels down which helped me to get things done and when I got things done I was less prone to depression.

 I can't even begin to explain how thankful I am that this whole experience went so much more smooth. I absolutely had hard days, I absolutely still do... but I feel like I have such a better handle on it this time around. I also believe that even though I was able to get through it unmedicated, not everyone is. I think we have modern medicine for a reason. If you just don't feel like yourself after having a baby, if you feel more anxious, angry, sad, unmotivated, easily upset, or just simply put unhappy... there is no shame in seeing a doctor to discuss your options. Because guess what, there are options and that is such a huge blessing. PPD/PPA is so common you would be shocked. What isn't common is people being open and honest about it. It does not define you, it does not make you a bad mom, it is nothing to be ashamed of. I want all of you moms out there to remember you're enough. You are more than enough... because you are absolutely everything to them. To those tiny humans you created. I remember looking at Cambria sleeping one day and I thought to myself; "you are, because of me." You are here, you are alive, you are staying alive, because of me. That thought felt equally as terrifying as it was beautiful but I am trying so hard to remember that I am meant to feel joy. These little people demand a lot from us, but they were also sent to us so we can feel joy. I can promise each of you that there is so much joy to be felt and that the storm of anxiety and depression will pass if you let it. If you need support and love surrounding this topic, let me know! I'll make sure you find it.

All my love,

Aleigh Joy

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Shopping With Two Littles

Friends! I'm here to tell you about a baby MUST HAVE today.

This product is useful no matter how many kids you have, but it has been a lifesaver so far with my two little kiddos!

So, let me paint a scenario in your head for a second...

You have this cute new little baby who fell asleep in her carseat. 

You also have a little two year old who would be a complete nightmare if you let her "walk" alongside you at any store. 

You also only have one cart and somehow have to fit all of your groceries inside that one cart with the carseat and that two year old sitting in the seat of the cart. 

Sounds difficult right? RIGHT!

I was totally the mom who stacked Triscut boxes on top of Oaklyn's car seat when she was tiny haha!

I mean where else would you put them with that huge car seat taking up all the space?

Despite the fact that shopping with kiddos is already less than ideal, it's also challenging trying to figure out where to ya know... put everything!

Insert the Binxy Baby Shopping Cart Hammock!

You guys, I'm not kidding when I say this thing is a MUST for any momma.

It is amazing and a total lifesaver when you are doing your grocery shopping. 

So what exactly is it??

Binxy Baby is a shopping cart hammock for your little one to lounge in while you fill up your grocery cart. 

It has clips that hook onto the rails of the cart which can hold up to 50 pounds!

It has a infant carseat safety strap to keep the carseat secure, or a secure seat harness to keep your little one lounging comfortably and safe. 

It also has 2 layers of fabric to hold in your little one.

I just keep it rolled up in the back seat of my car so I always have it ready when I need it. 

If Cambria is asleep, I just put the entire car seat in the hammock.

If she is awake, I just put her in the hammock and let her look around.

Either way is so simple to use and makes SO much space for groceries in the cart!

Literally everywhere I go, I get stopped by numerous people asking what it is and where they can get one.

It's just THAT much of a necessity!

I highly recommend this product and I know it can change your grocery shopping experience as a mom. 

Check out the Binxy Baby website to find the design that you like best!

All my love,

Aleigh Joy

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Making the Toddler Bed Transition Smooth For Mom

We recently transitioned Oaklyn to a toddler bed in preparation of the new little girl that is joining our family very soon.

I was actually terrified to switch Oaklyn over because we had such a good thing going already with her in the crib and I really didn't want to mess that up.

She hadn't learned how to climb out, she slept great, and sleeping is something that is reallyy important to me.

Whether it be naps or night time sleep, we both really need that time away from each other to feel refreshed haha.

Especially with a new baby on the way, I really didn't want to mess that up!

However, I knew the transition would have to happen at some point so I thought I might as well do it before the new baby needs the crib. 

I was so stuck on when to actually do the transition because Oaklyn had to have eye surgery at the end of June.

I really didn't want to do it before because I was scared she would regress with the pain of the eye surgery and I didn't want to do it right after because I wanted her to comfortably be able to sleep in her crib.

Turns out the surgery didn't really impact sleeping much so we waited about 2 weeks after and decided to go for it.

I overthink just about everything so as Hunter was moving the crib over to the nursery and setting Oaklyn's new little toddler bed in place I felt sick to my stomach.

"What if we don't sleep at all tonight, what if this means naps are no more, what if she hates it..."

Nighttime came and she clung to Hunter like her life depended on it when he tried to put her in bed.

She screamed for an hour about how she didn't want to go in the big girl bed ha.

I finally was able to get her in bed and she began whining the second I closed the door.

I felt so bad for her!

It was honestly such a scary transition for her and I was so prepared to just bring the crib back in her room haha.

Hunter let me know that she would be okay and I that made me feel a little better, but honestly, what made me feel the best was having our Project Nursery Video Monitor to be able to check in and make sure she was okay. 

My eyes were glued to the screen as I was able to watch her get comfortable and finally fall asleep.

I never had a monitor, nonetheless a video monitor, when she was a baby and I loved being able to have it during this transition. 

It made me feel so much better being able to watch her and make sure she was okay. 

I was able to see if she rolled off the bed, if she didn't seem comfortable, if she looked scared, and if she had gotten out.

I honestly think having a video monitor has been key for me as the mom in this transition.

It has made it so much smoother for me to see her and not have to walk in and wake her up.

This monitor also has the option for me to talk to her and let her know she's okay if she's having a hard night, without actually going in there. 

There's also a fun setting where you can turn on lullabies and Oaklyn loves it!

I've also loved that it tells me the temperature because this summer has been SO hot!

It helps Hunter and I determine if we need to turn the air cooler or warmer for her comfort. 

Overall, I have been SO pleased with this monitor and I'm just so glad we've had it during this transition.

It has honestly made all the difference for me!

I love that I can sit and work during nap time and just look down and make sure she's okay, and I love that I can easily check on her right before I go to bed at night. 

I'll be talking more a little later on my tips for a smooth toddler bed transition, but for now I'll say that having this monitor is definitely a tip that will help out!

All my love,

Aleigh Joy

Thank you to Project Nursery for sponsoring this post!

1

Thoughts On Two

The other day I sat in the middle of our last home, moving boxes and chaos spread all around me, and pretty quickly I felt sick to my stomach. 

Here we were, days away from moving to our third home in 8 months and I felt so guilty that Oaklyn's little world would be turned upside down again.

 I looked over at the boxes of baby clothes that were once brand new, just waiting for her arrival.

 Now here they are, waiting for Oaklyn's baby sister. 

I again felt sick, how am I supposed to rock her world yet again in just a few months?

Not much later I thought back to the moment Hunter and I left our home as just the two of us for the last time.

We stood in the kitchen and hugged, tears were streaming down my cheeks from the pain of contractions... but also realizing our little world as just the two of us was about to drastically change.

I was terrified for this new chapter, excited yes, but terrified more than anything.

It wasn't going to be just the two of us anymore, and I just wasn't sure if I was ready for that yet. 

I was pretty much an emotional wreck the first few months of Oaklyn's life as I was trying to get used to my new role as a mommy. 

One day though, I woke up not remembering life without Oaklyn.

Her sweet smile and chubby little hands felt like they had been in my life forever and trying to remember life before her felt so meaningless.

Hunter is smitten by her and my heart aches when I go longer than a few hours without seeing her.

She really is everything to us and though some days feel much longer than others, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

At one point in time, having her in our lives was brand new and took some serious getting used to.

Now, life wouldn't be the same without her in it.

I feel so much comfort in knowing that one day we will feel the same about little baby C.

At first, it'll probably be different and overwhelming for Oaks.

But one day, I'll see them playing at the park together and wonder how we ever lived life without two.

I'll admit that I'm scared to bring another little one into this world, but Oaklyn is getting a lifelong friend in a few months and I can't wait for the two of them to meet.

Oaklyn is my best little buddy. No words will ever be able to explain the love I feel for her. 

We spend every single day together and share some of my favorite memories.

She made me a mother and for that, we'll always have a special bond.

She taught me how to love unconditionally and she trusted me when I had no idea what I was doing.

It scares me to think that in a few months I have to divide my love between two, but I'm also so thankful that Heavenly Father has blessed me with the opportunity to love this much again.

This Mother's Day, my heart is so full of love for my two girls.

I feel so blessed to have been given the opportunity to love the way a mother does.

All my love,

Aleigh Joy

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When It Comes To Milestones

It happens at almost every baby shower, birthday party, play date, lunch date, or casual grocery store convo... The comparison of milestones.
There's a lot of things you don't expect before becoming a mother, and one of them is definitely feeling self conscious about your child being even the least bit behind from another child.
It usually goes something like this...
"Ohhh look how big she is now! Is she crawling yet??"
"No. Not quite. We're working on it, but she just isn't interested yet..."
"Oh, really? My oldest was crawling a month before her!"
Then the mom walks away feeling discouraged and wondering what is wrong with her as a mother.
Is it her fault her baby isn't crawling yet?
Is her baby behind?
Should she be worried?

I was that mom several times over with Oaklyn.
My bet is that it happens more often with your first, but it needs to stop.
The comparing of our children, it just needs to end.
However, I'm coming at this with the standpoint of changing myself.
I've come to realize over time that as much as we'd like to, we just can't change others.
The only person we can really change is ourselves.
So here's what I want to say to all of you moms that are just like me.

When another mom is bringing up their child's accomplishments in a conversation, the first thing you're going to do is get defensive over your own child.
Then you'll get a little worried.
Then you'll overthink things and it just isn't worth your time.
Try to remember that the other mom might just be trying to keep the conversation going.
After all, being cooped up in the house all day watching Frozen 100 times over kind of creates word vomit to occur when you actually have some social interaction ;)
Then, look at your little one and smile because I can almost guarantee they are doing A-Okay.

When you walk away feeling discouraged and wondering if you're doing enough as a mother, I want you to think of all the things you've done for your kid since they woke up.
The list is never ending right?
You are absolutely doing enough. YOU are the only one that can mother your child the way you do.
It doesn't matter if your best friends baby started sitting two weeks earlier, if your sister's child was potty trained before you even thought of doing it, if you stop breastfeeding after a month or if you keep it up til your kid is 2 1/2, if your little one had a pinterest worthy party or a boxed funfetti cake to celebrate their birthday... none of it matters!
What matters is that they're loved and that you care.
Kids do things at their own pace.
It's just the way it goes and now we can all feel a little sympathetic for our own parents ;)
You can get on your hands and knees and show your baby how to crawl over and over again but if they aren't ready, you're going to be looking like a fool with rug burn ;)
I'm all for helping and encouraging kids, but also letting them figure things out as they go.
I think writing that was almost therapeutic for myself haha.

So the next time every mom is talking about how many words their one year old can say or striking a conversation about how their 2nd grader is reading full on chapter books, stop and remember that you can't change what comes out of their mouth.
But, you can change the way you process what they say.
Offer a congratulations and then make a mental list of every wonderful thing your own little one does that you are incredibly proud of.
Every child is special, every single one of them.
And it's all because of you mama, because you are raising them to be the best they can be.

All my love,
Aleigh Joy

1

Finding Strength in Motherhood

Before having Oaklyn, I'd like to say I was pretty brave. Confident too. I had what I needed to understand figured out and didn't worry about the rest. If something was wrong, I got it fixed. If something made me sad, I dealt with it. If I had to put on my big girl pants, I pulled up that zipper and went for it. A whole lot of things changed for me after having my sweet daughter. There's the simple things that were to be expected like buying diapers often, sleeping less, hearing lots of crying, less date nights, a messier house, and you know... having a tiny person always following me into the bathroom. But, there were a few bigger things that I guess I just didn't expect. One thing in particular is the fact that I managed to dig up strength that I didn't know existed. I found bravery that was hiding in the back of my closet and quite frankly, I didn't know I'd ever need it. Like I said in the beginning, I thought I was pretty brave before having her...

Here's what I would like to classify motherhood as... "Dealing with fears you didn't know existed to find strengths you didn't know you had." Oh and mixed in with a whole lot of snuggles, poopy diaper explosions, and the cutest little person clothes. But in all honesty, motherhood has brought out so much of me I truly had no clue existed. I became a different person the moment they laid my child on my chest and evolved into something I never could have imagined over the course of several 2am parties with my mini bff. Because when you become a mother, you learn to think about someone other than just yourself. You learn how to be brave for a scared little child. You learn how to care for and tend to every basic and extraordinary need out there. You literally have to dig up another part of you that you've never needed before.

I vividly remember the first doctor's appointment I went to when Oaklyn had to get shots without daddy there. I didn't know who was more afraid... me or her. She of course had no idea what was coming though so it was probably me. The checkup was done and over with and the nurse came in ready to poke my baby girl. I knew (and still know) I was making the right choice for her, but was worried out of my mind that I wouldn't be able to truly comfort her afterwards. I cried harder than she did when I saw her little face after feeling the first poke, but we all made it out alive. Oaklyn clung to me and snuggled me tighter than ever before. She trusted me. She needed me. So, that part of me I had no idea existed came out and made sure my child knew I was right there comforting her. I drove home a whole new mother. I was stronger and I was more secure with myself. This same thing, different circumstances, has happened several other times... When I prove to myself that I was made for this, that motherhood is and always has been built in me. Times like teaching her how to pick up and eat food for the first time, helping her through her first cold when I felt clueless and helpless myself, and kissing that scraped up owie even though the sight of blood makes me queasy. Somehow, I always came out stronger and that much more confident. Because, the toughest job I've ever had has also helped me find the most strength. 

Before becoming a mommy, I had no idea I would fear what I do now... my child being constipated, it being too cold in our home, the first time she tried a new fruit, the way her little nose gets clogged when she has a cold... I had no clue any of this would cause me to lose sleep. But it did and still does because I love my baby more than I knew possible and I will do anything to keep her well and happy. I had no idea there were more strengths to find, but I'm continually finding more right as I need them. Parenting doesn't come with an instruction manual, and it surely doesn't come with anxiety pills... but it does shape you into exactly what The Lord wants you to be. The words "God gave us families to help us become what he wants us to be" of a Primary song have never sounded truer than they do now. I know Oaklyn was sent to me to help me become exactly what I need to be. She is shaping me into the person my family needs, and helping me see the woman The Lord needs of me as well. I'm sure I have a long way to go, because life just keeps throwing curve balls, but I'm so thankful for all I've learned so far. I remember thinking I had it all figured out when I was 19. Life was so easy and there was so much good ahead. But for me, it absolutely took becoming a mother to really understand who I am. It took becoming a mother to really see my divine role and calling in life. It took becoming a mother to find strengths I truly didn't know I had. Because somewhere along the way, you realize this journey is so much more, and so are you.

All my love,
Aleigh Joy

3

A Letter To My Little Valentine

I don't have to worry about kissing my babe with my lipsense!

My sweet Oaks, this Valentines Day is the first that I really feel like I have a second little Valentine.

I loved you tons last year, but our relationship together has grown so much in the past year.

You're my best little friend, my favorite shopping buddy, my perfect little girl.

One day, you'll probably find this blog of mine and read a little about what your life was like growing up.

I hope you find that I love you to pieces and that I've never felt like I had more purpose on this earth until I became your mother.

When I woke up that Tuesday morning with a sore chest and slight nausea, I absolutely knew you were there.

I still snuck a test into the second bathroom to make sure it was true.

When those two pink lines appeared, I think I felt every emotion in the book.

I covered my eyes and started bawling.

I was excited and scared all at the same time.

It didn't feel real, but I absolutely knew you were there.

As time went on and I felt your little kicks I began to love you in a way I'd never felt before.

When you entered the world I took one look at you and knew I wanted to give you the world.

I felt inadequate to say the least, but all I wanted was to be the mother you deserved.

We had a rather difficult first year of your life filled with little sleep and lots of crying on both ends.

You were figuring out life and I was figuring out my new life as a mother.

With each runny nose, milestone, and meal thrown on the floor... I realized why this love was a different kind of love.

A mother's love is selfless, and it is never ending.

Even when I fall to the floor after sticking you in time out because I feel like I'm failing you, I couldn't love you any more.

You came up to me the other day, put your hand on my shoulder and said "Mama nice, mama fun, mama yov me."

You didn't see it as you walked away, but I brushed my tears away from my eyes because just those 7 words you said in your tiny toddler voice, made me feel like super woman. 

I want you to know I cherish all the moments I get to spend with you, just me and you.

You've become the best friend I didn't know I was missing.

Sure you yell and scream when you don't get your way... Sure you demand a lot of me and test my patience... but when it comes down to it, you're the only one that doesn't judge me for my imperfections. 

You stand by me with pride because you love me despite my flaws, you forgive when I make mistakes, and you trust me when I have no clue what I'm doing.

You reach for my hand as we walk across the street, look to me when a stranger says hello, and giggle when I do something silly.

Oaklyn Joy, this year and all other years, I want you to know that you are my Valentine too.

Because on a day for Lovers, I can say that I love you with the most selfless and unconditional love out there. 

I love you sweet baby.

All my love,

Mama

Photos taken by Tiel Photography

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Within the Walls of My Home

Photo credit to Kiely Ro Photography 

Part of me is saying it's not worth my time to write this post, but the other part of me is saying "hey wait, isn't this why you started a blog?" 

Sooo... here goes Nothin!

I'm not going to tell you who I voted for, because to be honest that shouldn't matter.

If you liked me before the whole voting scene went down, why should that change?

I won't define you by who you voted for, and I sure hope you won't, me. 

We all woke up this morning and went about our lives per usual, correct?

Maybe a few were celebrating, a few were crying, and a few were upset, sure... but we all lived the same Wednesday we always do.

Because that's the thing... this country will not change over night.

America has undergone some pretty rough things in the past, if you paid attention at all in school you'll agree with me there, and somehow we survived it all.

If you aren't a fan of the new president, that's fine, but please don't act out irrationally.

The United States of America is and should be just that... United.

With each other, with our neighbors, with our families, and our president.

I get it, you don't agree with everything he stands for... but will you ever agree with everything a president stands for?

Probably not.

I didn't agree with quite a few things our last president changed and believed in, but my life still went on and I chose to focus on the bigger, more eternal picture. 

If you're planning on moving tomorrow, so be it.

But as for me, I am entirely proud to be an American no matter who is in office.

Our country is not defined by our president, it is defined by our people.

So try, and try hard, to be a people of love, compassion, and empathy.

You may not agree with him, me, or her... but you can still choose to represent yourself in a respectful matter.

Alright, now that those thoughts are out... 

I want to ask you to think about what is most important to you.

Think real hard.

I hope more than anything, you are thinking about your family.

Whether that be your immediate family, extended family, or those that are "like family," those are the people we should truly be thinking about right now.

I encourage each of you that are reading this to stop scrolling through Facebook and posting your differing opinions on people's statuses and to think about what you can do to create a stronger family focused on Christ. 

Because that is what matters, and if you have faith in The Lord, you have faith in our country. 

So as for me, I'm not freaking out about this election.

I can't believe we ended up with those two candidates... but I knew I could live with either one of them in office because they make temporal decisions, not eternal. 

As for me, I'll be using these times of disagreement as a time to teach my children what really matters.

And, I'll be doing this within the walls of my own home; where only mine and my husband's opinions matter.

My goal is to make our home a sanctuary that my family looks forward to coming home to.

That will only happen if I teach them correct principles, not those of hate and judgement.

I'll teach them that racism is two sided and can be demolished if we have the pure love of Christ in our hearts.

I'll teach them to respect others even if they have a differing opinion.

I'll be teaching them that women are strong and important, but men are too. 

I'll be teaching them that love conquers all hate and to love as they wish to be loved.

I'll also be teaching them that the going will get rough, but it's how we handle ourselves in those moments that defines us.

I'll teach them that we will always respect our president because he/she is an imperfect person too, and everyone deserves a chance.

I'll teach them to pray, in all things and through all things.

Last but absolutely not least, I'll always emphasize that the world we're living in currently is not forever. This world is in control of our Maker, and he has a plan for us that will make every trial and hardship worth it to experience pure and complete joy. 

So if today, yesterday, or tomorrow you're having a hard time, try a little harder to remember that all that really matters, is what happens within the walls of your own home.
If you really want to make a difference, raise the next generation of voters to have a little more love, understanding, compassion, honesty, and faith in their hearts.

All my love,
Aleigh Joy

2

#That'sLife

Oaklyn's Cute leggings are from Fancy Frogz boutique

I am continually finding that children teach adults much more than we will ever teach them.
Or at least that's how it's going in my case.
I'm constantly picking out life lessons I needed to understand based off what my child or other people's children have taught me.
Yesterday, was one of those teaching moments.

I took Oaklyn and Hunter's young cousin to a little carnival in our town.
We were having fun doing all the activities and both kids got several prizes.
Because Oaklyn is little, she didn't even understand when her 2nd cousin (once removed?) won more than her or got a different flavor of candy.
It made things quite easy on my end.
The last thing we were going to do before going home was get balloon animals.
We waited in line for a while and I told both girls to start thinking about what they wanted as we got closer.
Of course Oaklyn could care less but when she heard her cousin say she wanted a dog, that's immediately what she wanted too.
Okay, easy enough... I'll even get them in the same color so they don't want the other one's balloon.
The man making the balloon animals clearly doesn't have children because he made two pink dogs, but in two different shades of pink...
He handed one to each girl and we walked away with two excited kiddos.
As we were walking to the car I asked Hunt's cousin if she had fun.
She said, "yeah, I just wish my balloon was the color of Oaklyn's."
She didn't say it in a bratty way, she just truly liked that shade of pink better.
I told her I was sorry and that we would be more specific with the guy next time because we both knew there was no getting that balloon animal out of Oaklyn's hands.

I knew she didn't care much and very easily moved on, but it caused me to think about how that same scenario often happens in my own life.
I buy a new dress and I love it, until I see another girl in the same dress but a different color.
Suddenly, I really want that color and forget how much I loved my dress in the first place.
I get so excited to decorate for holidays and parties and then I see other's decor and suddenly just want to change mine completely.
There's even times when I'm actually very content with my life but some way or another a shadow of doubt sweeps over my mind creating a blanket of jealousy and suddenly my life is not up to par.
I then completely forget just how happy I was before my mind started playing the game of comparison.
However, this child managed to move on quite a bit easier than I tend to because #thatslife.

It was interesting to me to realize that jealousy happens at an incredibly young age and just carries on in different forms as we get older.
It may thin out over the years as we get more comfortable and confident with our own lives, but it seems to always be there even when we don't really notice it.
It manipulates our minds into thinking we always need something different or more.
I'm not proud to admit that jealousy in my own mind has caused me to think things I don't truly mean, and change things that didn't need fixing.
I'm always striving to better myself and a little healthy competition can be a good thing, but once it turns to envy and rules our thoughts and actions, it's time to reevaluate.
We cannot live our best life and up to our full potential if we are just wishing we had someone else's success and happiness.

Jealousy often happens when you can relate to someone in some shape or form.
Such as when you have the same amount of kids as your best friend, when you have a similar house as your neighbor, or even when you have similar talents as a family member.
If you are unable to relate to a person, generally, they don't threaten those little jealousy monsters in your mind because they aren't seen as "competition" or as having anything more you desire.
However, just like the balloon story, all it takes is something you remotely desire to set off those thoughts.

I looked in my rear view mirror and saw the two girls playing together with their dogs, or as Oaklyn says, "Gidas."
They were content and smiling and it was as if they no longer could see the color difference of the two balloon animals.
They were having fun and laughing and I couldn't help but think, "why is it so hard for me to move on from a jealous mindset if it's so easy for them?"
We are taught by the scriptures that we are to become like little children.
Why? Because even though they may drive us crazy at times, they are perfect.
This small little balloon encounter was yet another witness of that to me.
This child decided to move past her initial jealous instincts and see my daughter as her family and someone she loves.
She decided to love my daughter and showed it by playing with her, while also deciding to love what she initially didn't.
She changed her mindset, just as we all should try to do, with love.

So, when life hands me something that may appear to be "not enough," I'll remember that my own version of the pink balloon can still bring me joy and happiness if I just let love conquer every thought and feeling.

All my love,
Aleigh Joy

3

I Hate Being A Parent In This Day

Photo By Kiely Ro Photography

I was talking to Hunter's grandma the other day on the way home from a baby shower, and the conversation we had really stuck with me.

We began talking about motherhood, pregnancy, and children. 

She said something along the lines of "I had no idea what any of you girls were talking about with your pregnancies. It's like I didn't go through it 5 times with how little of the medical terms I understood."

I then told her I was just about as clueless as her and I actually went through a pregnancy in this day and age.

Giggling, I then said: "Yeah you should've seen the look on the nurse's face when she asked for my birth plan and all I said was, an 'epidural and a healthy baby.' " 

Her response: "Birth plan? What the heck is that? Isn't everyone's plan to you know, have a baby?"

I chuckled to myself... "yep, you'd think so."

The conversation took turns all over the place surrounding the topic of motherhood, but she then shared a story with me I might never forget.

She told me about a time when she was a young girl. They had a pool in their backyard and she was swimming in it alone. It had never dawned on her that neither of her parents were out there watching her. Not even a sibling. She went on top of the roof of the shed and dove off into the pool. She instantly realized it was a bad idea because she smacked her head on the bottom of the pool. She swam to the top and caught her her breath from being terrified. She then said, "And can you guess what I was thinking about when I was holding on to the ledge gasping for air?"

I answered: "Well, that was probably the first time you realized your parents maybe should be out there watching you."

Her answer: "Nope, I realized I should never do that dumb dive again. It taught me to figure it out for myself and I made sure to never do it again. Sure if my parents were out there they would've told me not to do it in the first place, but I wouldn't have known why. I instead figured it out for myself. Nowadays, if someone heard that story they would've called CPS."

I laughed with her as we exchanged a few more ridiculous motherhood moments such as the time a lady made sure to come up to me as I was putting Oaklyn in her car seat and asked if I was hurting her because she was crying.
I wanted to smack her and ask if she's ever put a tired 10 month old in a car seat but I decided to let her think she was the best dog mom around instead.
There was also the time I gave Oaklyn one of those lollipops at the grocery store checkout and the woman behind me decided she should advise me not to give my one year old sugar.

I "can't wait" to see what other stories the rest of my motherhood journey will bring but I can almost guarantee it'll bring several more nights I fall asleep feeling guilty because I'm not cut out to be a mother in this era.
Sure, there are several gadgets we have now that our grandmothers could have only dreamed of back when they were mothers.
My mom couldn't believe they didn't have something as simple as a pacifier clip when I was little now that it's always attached to Oaklyn.
We may have all this awesome gear to "simplify" our lives now, but we also have too many "Nazi Moms" that are right there to tell us our child is going to die because we gave them goldfish in their lunchbox, used the off brand of sunscreen, or gave them a sippy cup that isn't bpa free.
Then there's the people that either have never been a parent, or think they're the perfect one (because they got lucky and got an easy kid) that give you dirty looks because your child dared to actually make a peep while you were shopping.
Or maybe you've all come across someone that thinks you could have been watching your child better when they get hurt.
I'm sure there was a little of this judgement back in the time Hunter's grandma was a mother, but by the sound of it, I should've given birth in that era.

The thing is, the mom groups are awesome, the ability to share knowledge with each other over the internet is great, and the freedom we get to decide how our child is born is exactly what some moms want.
But, the complexity of being a mother now is insane.
I mean come on, we have an entire aisle just dedicated to car seats.
How the heck is anyone supposed to know which one to buy??
I remember standing in the aisle when it was time to move Oaklyn out of her infant seat and feeling so overwhelmed with choices I almost just wanted to give up.
The mother next to me asked "Do you know what percentage of steel Chicco uses in their car seats?"
I looked at her with eyes wide open and said, you're gonna have to ask siri... I didn't even know car seats had steel in them.
Then I looked at Oaklyn and felt so sorry for her that I didn't know everything about everything and felt like I was inadequate to be her mom.
She smiled at me and drooled a little on her shirt and I remembered that I grew up on Koolaid and Lunchables with turkey that may have actually been rubber.
 And ya know what, I think I turned out just fine.

Being a mom nowadays means information you didn't ask for being thrown at your face every way you turn.
It means another mom disagreeing with your every decision or judging you for doing something different than they did.
It means wondering if you're doing the right thing at every moment of the day and questioning yourself with every move you make.
But it shouldn't be that way...

So here's me, another average mom, telling you that you are doing A-Okay mama.
If your baby is fed whether that be breast milk or formula, whole milk or goats milk, homemade purees or gerber jars, you're doing it right.
If your child gets sleep when they're tired, whether that's in your bed or their crib, in your arms or in their swing, with a sound machine or nothing at all, you are doing your job.
If your child is learning, whether that be home school or public school, charter school or private school, community college or a university, you should be proud of yourself for getting them that far.
If you think for one second you are failing according to the new standards of being a mom, you are not.
Keep smothering your kid with kisses, help them achieve their goals, give them a dang chicken nugget, and tell them how much you love them.
Because seriously, there is absolutely no right way to parent.
There are a million and a half suggestions if you want to listen to them, but being a mama is hard enough.
Instead just ask yourself "What would grandma do?"

All my love,
Aleigh Joy

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DIY Children's Memory Book with Snuggle

This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #ShareABear #CollectiveBias

When I was pregnant, there were a few gifts I just couldn't get enough of. One obviously being the cutest tiniest clothes, another being the sweet little girl bows, but the snuggly stuffed animals just melted my heart! I could just picture her snuggling all the little teddy bears and loved adding more and more of those sweet and soft animals to her crib. I distinctly remember in the hospital hearing the nurses tell me not to put anything in her crib while she was sleeping such as blankets or stuffed animals. I was so sad because I was so excited for her to play with them right from the start! However, I waited and waited until it was safe for her to sleep with them. 

I remember giving her a blankie to sleep with around 12 months as somewhat of a test run. She didn't really know what to do with it at first, but it didn't take long for her to absolutely love it. We went through about three different blankies until she found her favorite, and now that one never leaves her side when she's asleep. Seeing that adding the blanket went so well, I decided to try out a teddy bear. One morning after a long night of being uncomfortable and not sleeping while pregnant, I was lazily laying in bed. I heard the doorbell ring and grabbed my robe to go answer the door. Either I took too long to get my pregnant self out of bed, or it was meant to be a surprise, but I opened the door to a present! When I opened the box I found an adorable teddy bear for my little Oaks. It quickly became my favorite of her stuffed animals so it got its own spot on the rocking chair. I gave that bear to Oaklyn first in hopes that she would love it just like I did, and boy did she ever! He didn't have a name at first, but he now goes by the name of Gida. I know... of all the names she chose that one. You're probably wondering where she even got such a weird name, so here's a little background. Oaklyn is obsessed with animals of all sorts, but she first showed interest in dogs. She first learned how to say puppy, and then doggy. Suddenly every animal became a doggy. One day I noticed she decided to shorten it to just "Gee." Then one morning when I picked her up form her crib she was pointing to her teddy bear saying "Gida! Gida! Gida!" It took me a little while to figure it out, but she decided to make up her own name for animals... Gida! It has been so fun to watch her teddy bear become her best friend. She actually looks forward to going to bed now because she knows she can snuggle him! I love feeling comforted that if she wakes up in the middle of the night scared or uncomfortable, she can reach for Gida to calm her down. It truly is so sweet to see how much a little kid can love a stuffed animal. It melts my heart to see her love Gida so much. 

Oaklyn would take Gida absolutely everywhere if I let her. More often than not, I find her sitting by her crib talking to him. It is so cute that she loves him and wants to be with him so much, but she drags him around and gets him SO dirty! Between the food that she tries to feed him, to the drool from her sleep, Gida can get pretty gross and his fur can get pretty rough. I love adding an extra little touch to my laundry with Snuggle®. It helps get Gida back to his snuggly self after a long hard week of being mangled by a little toddler ;) Snuggle® is a brand of premium-quality fabric conditioner that enables Moms (and Dads) to create even more snuggle-up moments. I quickly noticed that Snuggle® delivers Snuggly Softness™ and inviting, long-lasting fresh scents at a noticeable value in comparison to leading brands. We love using Snuggle® in our family laundry for Gida, and all of our clothes, blankets, and linens. I easily found all my favorite Snuggle® products at my local Target. 

Friday September 9th was National Teddy Bear Day! This is a very special month for Snuggle® given that their mascot is a very snuggly and adorable bear! This is the second year that Snuggle® is launching a special #ShareABear campaign to help make the world a softer place, one teddy bear at a time. Just as I mentioned above when I found Gida on my doorstep while pregnant, something as small as a teddy bear can brighten someone’s day! Because of that, Snuggle® is donating 5,000 bears to children in need! How adorable is that? If a teddy bear can create that much happiness in my little girls life, just imagine how happy it will make a child in need! I'd love to see you contribute to the #ShareABear campaign all September long by sharing stories, memories, and pictures of your loved ones with a teddy bear on Social Media channels! Join the fun on Snuggle®’s Facebook page and in the Snuggle® Bear Den where you will find all the best offers, prizes, and content for #ShareABear. 

Stories like Gida coming about need to be remembered. I'm sure I'm going to forget several moments throughout Oaklyn's life by the time she gets older. While I understand that I won't be able to remember everything, I can try to remember most things! In an effort to remember all I can about my sweet little girl, I decided to make an affordable DIY children's memory book! This was so easy to do and will be so fun to look back on over the years! I want Oaklyn to be able to see what she was like as a baby and to be able to read about all the fun experiences we went through together. 

Making this book was super simple and fun!

1. Click here to download the boy cover page and click here to download the girl cover page. After downloading, print it out and write in your child's name and birth date.
2. Insert the cover page into a binder cover
3. Download this page to place all of your children's fun pictures in and download this page to be able to write about experiences you had with them.
4. Insert those pages into page protectors and stick them into the binder
5. Have fun adding photos and writing about all the memories with your child!

I'm so excited to keep this fun memory book forever. I also hardly had to spend anything on it! It's a win for everyone! Make sure to participate in the #ShareABear campaign and freshen up your kids stuffed animals with Snuggle® products!

All my love,

Aleigh Joy

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Changing Table Necessities with Huggies

This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #SuperAbsorbent #CollectiveBias

I'm a young mom, I'm also a first time mom, but I've learned more than I ever could have imagined these past 18 months in the parenting world. I've learned that at times it's going to be hard, at times it'll be challenging, and sometimes you'll want to throw in the towel and just run away... I've also learned that your heart will grow ten times bigger, motherly instincts do actually kick in, and you'll love like you've never loved before. But, most of all, I've learned that being prepared will save you a whole lot of time and energy during your day to day life. Whether it's always having a snack on hand or keeping stocked up on Huggies diapers... being ready with "mom supplies" will keep you mentally sane during all hours of the day (and night!).

Let's flash back to a moment I'll never forget for a second. Oaklyn was only a few months old and was going thought a major sleep regression. I was sleep deprived, incredibly grumpy, and I was lucky if I remembered to put shoes on on my way out the door. Because I was so tired, I forgot that my wimpy little package of off brand diapers was just about to run out. It only came with about 24 diapers, was over $15, and I was already almost out! One night, Oaklyn absolutely would not go back to sleep. I had tried just about everything and was about to lock myself in my closet because I was flat out exhausted. I felt her diaper and even though it was nowhere near full, it could still probably be changed. I had one diaper left in the changing table, it was a risky move, but if it made her sleep it was well worth it. After I changed her, I began to rock her back to sleep. She was drifting off into dream land and I was holding my breath and wishing so badly that this was all it took. Then it happened... Her little body began to tense up and her little face got all scrunchy. I knew exactly what was coming. Then with a whole lot of force, she let loose. Part of me was happy that her tummy must be feeling better, but the other part of me was clueless as to what I was going to do now. With lovely baby poo coming up her back, I yelled for Hunter to search all corners of the house for just one clean diaper. Luckily, he did find one but can you imagine how much easier it would have been if I just had a huge box of Huggies Little Snugglers Plus from Costco in her closet? 

I don't know about all of you other moms, but I get incredibly stressed if things don't go smoothly. That stress then rubs off on Oaklyn and it's a big mess all around. I have learned over time that a high stress mama will rub off on her child and will create a high stress kiddo in return. I'm nowhere near perfect, and I absolutely get stressed several times a day, but I'm learning how to manage that and especially how to be more prepared. I've discovered certain baby products I love and had to throw away several I definitely didn't like. I've had to slow down and really listen to what it is that Oaklyn needs and take mental notes so we don't run into the same problem later on. I've also had to learn that stocking up on everything we need, will save me hours of worrying in the long run. Two things I absolutely always keep stocked with our favorite baby items are my diaper bag, and the changing table. I know people say you don't necessarily need a changing table, but I truthfully feel like you do. We do both the morning and night time routine on the changing table, and every single diaper change happens on it. It's comfortable, safe, and holds everything I need. So, today I'm going to share exactly what it is I always keep in our changing table and a very inexpensive and effective way to keep it organized. 

My changing table drawers have definitely evolved over time. In the beginning, I probably could have stocked every drawer with diapers and still not have enough ;) As time went on I had to make sure I had toys to entertain Oaklyn during changes and blankets to keep her new little body warm. However, there's a few things that have stayed consistent.

Drawer One:

-Huggies Little Movers Plus size 4. We love these diapers! We've tried several different brands and have decided that sticking with Huggies is absolutely the way to go. We get these diapers at out local Costco. These are Huggies' most absorbent diapers, hence the Plus, and are exclusive to Costco. With the double grip strips, they are an absolutely perfect fit for my really active baby. Not to mention, they have a 12 hour Leak Lock protection which is perfect for night time! They come in sizes one through six and if you get them at Costco, you won't have to worry about running out any time soon. They come with so many and have truly been a life and money saver for our family. There is currently a deal running where you can get Little Snugglers Plus (Sizes 1 & 2)  for $37.49, $31.49 after $6 discount and Free shipping. (this offer valid 9/1 to 9/25) Or Little Movers Plus (Size 3, 4, 5, & 6) for  $42.99, $36.99 after $6 discount and Free shipping. (this offer valid 9/1 –to 9/25) Also, starting in August Little Snugglers Plus will also be available in size Newborn starting - $29.99 available in select warehouses and online at Costco.com 

-Wipes. Find a brand of wipes you like, and always keep them stocked up right next to your diapers for quick and painless changes.

-Rash Cream. Again, you are going to have to find one that works for your baby's skin, but always keep it on hand... you never know when a rash will break out!

-Hygiene Essentials. This is one that will change with time as your baby's needs change. We always keep her toothpaste and toothbrush, lotion, and a little medicine in case a cold comes on. 

-Hair Care. Obviously this is different for every baby but mine came with a whole lot of hair! So I keep a brush, hair elastics, and occasionally a few bows but her big stash is in her closet. I also keep her pacifier clips in the top drawer. 

I separated the different compartments in efforts to stay a little more organized and you'll never believe how easy it was to make the separators! I actually just cut the flaps off of my Huggies Little Movers Plus box and stuck them in my drawer! As Oaks gets older I'll probably get little containers to stick the smaller items in. 

Drawer Two:

-Jammies. Part of Oaklyn's bed time routine is to get in her jammies while on the changing table so it only makes sense to have some clean ones in a drawer!

-Blankies. Blankets are the easiest way to get Oaks to calm down. Some diaper changes are rough, so I always keep blankets close by to let her snuggle. 

Drawer Three:

Extra Sheets. Being prepared with extra sheets makes the world of a difference! Waking up to a wet bed, a spilt bottle, a diaper explosion, or even worse throw up can make for a messy clean up. While I wash her sheets, having an extra to throw on for nap time helps take my stress down immensely!

Obviously over time I know some of these things might not matter anymore and if you are a mom of a smaller baby, you might need a whole lot more! So adjust your separators as you need to and keep your essentials close by. Keeping your favorite items stocked up will help you stay calm during the most stressful situations. So now I want to know, what do you keep in your changing table??

All my love,

Aleigh Joy

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