You + Me and What We've Learned As a Family

Hunter and I went to run a quick errand yesterday, just the two of us.

As we got out of the car and started walking towards the store, I kept feeling like I was missing something or had forgotten something.

As I thought about it more, I realized it was because we didn't have kids in tow.

We were able to just get out of the car and walk straight towards the store.

No meltdown from Oaklyn about not wanting to sit in the cart, no trying to decide if we should use the cart or the stroller for both girls, no diaper bag, no snacks to keep them occupied... we literally just got out of the car and ran our errand.

We talked about how funny it is that everything becomes more difficult when you have kids.

The simplest things in life become the most challenging and suddenly everyday things require a whole lot more planning and thinking. 

Hunter jokingly said, "can you imagine how easy life would be if it was just me and you?" 

We both chuckled and continued on, but I thought about it some more.

Holy cow, it really would be WAY easier!

I would be able to work full time and therefore, saving for a house would be way easier.

We would get to eat dinner in silence and maybe even enjoy our meal, ha!

We would be able to go on date nights, any night.

We'd be able to sleep through the night, take more vacations, spend more time together, invest more time in hobbies, and probably have a little more sanity if we're being totally honest... 

There's a lot of life changes that come with a bundle of joy.

There's a lot of time and energy spent on taking care of them when you would much rather take care of yourself. 

There's a whole lot more hard moments and ten times more whining and crying.

Truthfully, life would be a lot easier without kids.

But, that doesn't mean it would be better...

Life as just me and you, was delightful.

It was carefree and fun, it was spontaneous and exciting, and it was a time that will forever be a happy memory to me.

But, we have added two little people to our family and have dreams to add more. 

They have brought challenges, that's for sure, but they have also brought more joy than we ever would have experienced had we not chosen to have them.

Children are supposed be challenging.
They're supposed to make you grow and think outside of yourself.

They are supposed to teach us what we need to learn to become better and stronger.

Caring for someone else who completely depends on you, is the absolute best way to learn the attributes of our Savior.

Hunter and I have probably lost a few brain cells since we have become parents, haha, but we have gained experiences and perspectives that no university or job will ever teach.

So to any newlyweds or expecting parents... one day you'll have a child or two or a few that change most everything. 

So cherish the time you have now and keep those memories of just the two of you engrained forever, but never lose sight of the importance of being parents.

The day to day life gets "harder" but trust me, it actually is better.

All my love,

Aleigh Joy

*Loving this dress from Pink Blush! I think the choker neckline is so cute and fun because I don't even have to accessorize! Check out Pink Blush for any and all cute maternity clothes or trendy women's clothes!

1

Things You Should Never Say To A Pregnant Lady

Oh pregnancy, it's the best of times and the worst of times haha.

The swelling, the heartburn, the clothes that don't fit... it's all worth it to grow and bring new life into the world, but man is it challenging at times.

Just about every day I look at Hunter and say something along the lines of how done I am with being pregnant.

My pregnancy with Oaklyn had its ups and downs but mainly was a breeze, this time has just been harder all around.

The funny thing is, pregnant women are already going through so many emotional and physical changes, yet people still have the nerve to say some really well... dumb things. To put it politely ;)

I've decided to compile a list of all these rather annoying remarks to maybe shed some light on the topic, because really, just think before you speak people! 

"You must be due any day now!"

Okay people, just don't bring up a due date you know nothing about unless you are asking when someone is due. And when they tell you, just say something kind like "oh how fun!" When a 7 month along pregnant lady is walking through the grocery store, the last thing they want to hear is that they look like they are going to pop at any minute. It's a long process and every single body grows differently. Just let the body do its thing. Commenting on weight during pregnancy is a danger zone at all times. 

Just wait... 

Okay, ANY form of just wait comment is actually the worst. Just because something may have been harder for you does not mean it will be for the pregnant lady and even if it will be, they surely don't want to hear about it! "Just wait til the baby comes, you'll never sleep!" "Just wait until you have two to chase around, then you'll know how hard it is!" Just wait until you are in your third trimester, it's so much worse!" "Just wait until you're in labor, you'll be wishing you never got pregnant!" You guys, I'm not kidding I've had all of these said to me and I just wanna pull my hair out. It's just not kind to talk to someone like they are naive in the first place, but let's not freak out other moms either. Just let them be them and you do you.

You must want a *insert opposite gender here* so bad!

We're having our second girl. And guess what?? We are SO excited! This second baby being a girl could not be better for us. With Hunter still in school for a few more months, it is such a blessing that we can just reuse everything we had from Oaklyn. Also, it is so much fun having girls and Hunter is actually happy with having two girls! When someone is pregnant with another one of the same gender, it is actually possible that they are happy about it. And if they aren't it's probably best not to bring it up unless they do first...

Don't let your hands do the talking...

Some people could care less that random strangers come up and touch their belly... but most find it really really odd. I know I do. "Oh, is she kicking??" Uhm no, and even if she was I don't know you... It's just best to move along and keep your hands in your pockets people.

Opinions on labor choices

Here's the deal, we have several different choices and options when it comes to labor nowadays. There is no "right" way and that is a-okay. If you bring up labor, just keep your opinions to yourself. Your natural birth may have gone really awesome, but some just aren't about that. Your epidural may have been heaven sent, but some women just don't want one. Either way is just fine.

Asking baby's name

Okay, while it's not a bad thing to ask if they have a name picked out, don't pry if they don't want to talk about it. And if they do feel okay offering the name, you may not like it... but don't show it or say it. Our daughter has a "different" name, but we absolutely love it. I hated telling people her name because the reactions were all over the place. If the only names you like are the ones you named your children, it's best just not to ask this question...

Okay, that about covers it for now haha.

I'm sure I can think of more, but we'll leave it at that ;)

Pregnancy hormones are no joke, so let's just not mess with them.

Since pregnancy is such a difficult time for a lot of women it's always a plus to feel comfortable in your clothes.

I have been living in dresses and looser fitting clothes in general and PinkBlush Maternity has been heaven sent!

If you're pregnant and searching for something comfortable to wear, there is an amazing selection of cute maternity clothes on their website. 

I'm obsessed with this black lace up maternity shift dress because it is sooo comfortable and trendy!

I also will be able to wear it after the baby comes and that is always a plus in my book.

You are bound to find something you love from PinkBlush!

All my love,

Aleigh Joy

*Thank you to PinkBlush Maternity for sponsoring this post!

8

When It Comes To Milestones

It happens at almost every baby shower, birthday party, play date, lunch date, or casual grocery store convo... The comparison of milestones.
There's a lot of things you don't expect before becoming a mother, and one of them is definitely feeling self conscious about your child being even the least bit behind from another child.
It usually goes something like this...
"Ohhh look how big she is now! Is she crawling yet??"
"No. Not quite. We're working on it, but she just isn't interested yet..."
"Oh, really? My oldest was crawling a month before her!"
Then the mom walks away feeling discouraged and wondering what is wrong with her as a mother.
Is it her fault her baby isn't crawling yet?
Is her baby behind?
Should she be worried?

I was that mom several times over with Oaklyn.
My bet is that it happens more often with your first, but it needs to stop.
The comparing of our children, it just needs to end.
However, I'm coming at this with the standpoint of changing myself.
I've come to realize over time that as much as we'd like to, we just can't change others.
The only person we can really change is ourselves.
So here's what I want to say to all of you moms that are just like me.

When another mom is bringing up their child's accomplishments in a conversation, the first thing you're going to do is get defensive over your own child.
Then you'll get a little worried.
Then you'll overthink things and it just isn't worth your time.
Try to remember that the other mom might just be trying to keep the conversation going.
After all, being cooped up in the house all day watching Frozen 100 times over kind of creates word vomit to occur when you actually have some social interaction ;)
Then, look at your little one and smile because I can almost guarantee they are doing A-Okay.

When you walk away feeling discouraged and wondering if you're doing enough as a mother, I want you to think of all the things you've done for your kid since they woke up.
The list is never ending right?
You are absolutely doing enough. YOU are the only one that can mother your child the way you do.
It doesn't matter if your best friends baby started sitting two weeks earlier, if your sister's child was potty trained before you even thought of doing it, if you stop breastfeeding after a month or if you keep it up til your kid is 2 1/2, if your little one had a pinterest worthy party or a boxed funfetti cake to celebrate their birthday... none of it matters!
What matters is that they're loved and that you care.
Kids do things at their own pace.
It's just the way it goes and now we can all feel a little sympathetic for our own parents ;)
You can get on your hands and knees and show your baby how to crawl over and over again but if they aren't ready, you're going to be looking like a fool with rug burn ;)
I'm all for helping and encouraging kids, but also letting them figure things out as they go.
I think writing that was almost therapeutic for myself haha.

So the next time every mom is talking about how many words their one year old can say or striking a conversation about how their 2nd grader is reading full on chapter books, stop and remember that you can't change what comes out of their mouth.
But, you can change the way you process what they say.
Offer a congratulations and then make a mental list of every wonderful thing your own little one does that you are incredibly proud of.
Every child is special, every single one of them.
And it's all because of you mama, because you are raising them to be the best they can be.

All my love,
Aleigh Joy

1

A Letter To My Little Valentine

I don't have to worry about kissing my babe with my lipsense!

My sweet Oaks, this Valentines Day is the first that I really feel like I have a second little Valentine.

I loved you tons last year, but our relationship together has grown so much in the past year.

You're my best little friend, my favorite shopping buddy, my perfect little girl.

One day, you'll probably find this blog of mine and read a little about what your life was like growing up.

I hope you find that I love you to pieces and that I've never felt like I had more purpose on this earth until I became your mother.

When I woke up that Tuesday morning with a sore chest and slight nausea, I absolutely knew you were there.

I still snuck a test into the second bathroom to make sure it was true.

When those two pink lines appeared, I think I felt every emotion in the book.

I covered my eyes and started bawling.

I was excited and scared all at the same time.

It didn't feel real, but I absolutely knew you were there.

As time went on and I felt your little kicks I began to love you in a way I'd never felt before.

When you entered the world I took one look at you and knew I wanted to give you the world.

I felt inadequate to say the least, but all I wanted was to be the mother you deserved.

We had a rather difficult first year of your life filled with little sleep and lots of crying on both ends.

You were figuring out life and I was figuring out my new life as a mother.

With each runny nose, milestone, and meal thrown on the floor... I realized why this love was a different kind of love.

A mother's love is selfless, and it is never ending.

Even when I fall to the floor after sticking you in time out because I feel like I'm failing you, I couldn't love you any more.

You came up to me the other day, put your hand on my shoulder and said "Mama nice, mama fun, mama yov me."

You didn't see it as you walked away, but I brushed my tears away from my eyes because just those 7 words you said in your tiny toddler voice, made me feel like super woman. 

I want you to know I cherish all the moments I get to spend with you, just me and you.

You've become the best friend I didn't know I was missing.

Sure you yell and scream when you don't get your way... Sure you demand a lot of me and test my patience... but when it comes down to it, you're the only one that doesn't judge me for my imperfections. 

You stand by me with pride because you love me despite my flaws, you forgive when I make mistakes, and you trust me when I have no clue what I'm doing.

You reach for my hand as we walk across the street, look to me when a stranger says hello, and giggle when I do something silly.

Oaklyn Joy, this year and all other years, I want you to know that you are my Valentine too.

Because on a day for Lovers, I can say that I love you with the most selfless and unconditional love out there. 

I love you sweet baby.

All my love,

Mama

Photos taken by Tiel Photography

0

#That'sLife

Oaklyn's Cute leggings are from Fancy Frogz boutique

I am continually finding that children teach adults much more than we will ever teach them.
Or at least that's how it's going in my case.
I'm constantly picking out life lessons I needed to understand based off what my child or other people's children have taught me.
Yesterday, was one of those teaching moments.

I took Oaklyn and Hunter's young cousin to a little carnival in our town.
We were having fun doing all the activities and both kids got several prizes.
Because Oaklyn is little, she didn't even understand when her 2nd cousin (once removed?) won more than her or got a different flavor of candy.
It made things quite easy on my end.
The last thing we were going to do before going home was get balloon animals.
We waited in line for a while and I told both girls to start thinking about what they wanted as we got closer.
Of course Oaklyn could care less but when she heard her cousin say she wanted a dog, that's immediately what she wanted too.
Okay, easy enough... I'll even get them in the same color so they don't want the other one's balloon.
The man making the balloon animals clearly doesn't have children because he made two pink dogs, but in two different shades of pink...
He handed one to each girl and we walked away with two excited kiddos.
As we were walking to the car I asked Hunt's cousin if she had fun.
She said, "yeah, I just wish my balloon was the color of Oaklyn's."
She didn't say it in a bratty way, she just truly liked that shade of pink better.
I told her I was sorry and that we would be more specific with the guy next time because we both knew there was no getting that balloon animal out of Oaklyn's hands.

I knew she didn't care much and very easily moved on, but it caused me to think about how that same scenario often happens in my own life.
I buy a new dress and I love it, until I see another girl in the same dress but a different color.
Suddenly, I really want that color and forget how much I loved my dress in the first place.
I get so excited to decorate for holidays and parties and then I see other's decor and suddenly just want to change mine completely.
There's even times when I'm actually very content with my life but some way or another a shadow of doubt sweeps over my mind creating a blanket of jealousy and suddenly my life is not up to par.
I then completely forget just how happy I was before my mind started playing the game of comparison.
However, this child managed to move on quite a bit easier than I tend to because #thatslife.

It was interesting to me to realize that jealousy happens at an incredibly young age and just carries on in different forms as we get older.
It may thin out over the years as we get more comfortable and confident with our own lives, but it seems to always be there even when we don't really notice it.
It manipulates our minds into thinking we always need something different or more.
I'm not proud to admit that jealousy in my own mind has caused me to think things I don't truly mean, and change things that didn't need fixing.
I'm always striving to better myself and a little healthy competition can be a good thing, but once it turns to envy and rules our thoughts and actions, it's time to reevaluate.
We cannot live our best life and up to our full potential if we are just wishing we had someone else's success and happiness.

Jealousy often happens when you can relate to someone in some shape or form.
Such as when you have the same amount of kids as your best friend, when you have a similar house as your neighbor, or even when you have similar talents as a family member.
If you are unable to relate to a person, generally, they don't threaten those little jealousy monsters in your mind because they aren't seen as "competition" or as having anything more you desire.
However, just like the balloon story, all it takes is something you remotely desire to set off those thoughts.

I looked in my rear view mirror and saw the two girls playing together with their dogs, or as Oaklyn says, "Gidas."
They were content and smiling and it was as if they no longer could see the color difference of the two balloon animals.
They were having fun and laughing and I couldn't help but think, "why is it so hard for me to move on from a jealous mindset if it's so easy for them?"
We are taught by the scriptures that we are to become like little children.
Why? Because even though they may drive us crazy at times, they are perfect.
This small little balloon encounter was yet another witness of that to me.
This child decided to move past her initial jealous instincts and see my daughter as her family and someone she loves.
She decided to love my daughter and showed it by playing with her, while also deciding to love what she initially didn't.
She changed her mindset, just as we all should try to do, with love.

So, when life hands me something that may appear to be "not enough," I'll remember that my own version of the pink balloon can still bring me joy and happiness if I just let love conquer every thought and feeling.

All my love,
Aleigh Joy

3

I Hate Being A Parent In This Day

Photo By Kiely Ro Photography

I was talking to Hunter's grandma the other day on the way home from a baby shower, and the conversation we had really stuck with me.

We began talking about motherhood, pregnancy, and children. 

She said something along the lines of "I had no idea what any of you girls were talking about with your pregnancies. It's like I didn't go through it 5 times with how little of the medical terms I understood."

I then told her I was just about as clueless as her and I actually went through a pregnancy in this day and age.

Giggling, I then said: "Yeah you should've seen the look on the nurse's face when she asked for my birth plan and all I said was, an 'epidural and a healthy baby.' " 

Her response: "Birth plan? What the heck is that? Isn't everyone's plan to you know, have a baby?"

I chuckled to myself... "yep, you'd think so."

The conversation took turns all over the place surrounding the topic of motherhood, but she then shared a story with me I might never forget.

She told me about a time when she was a young girl. They had a pool in their backyard and she was swimming in it alone. It had never dawned on her that neither of her parents were out there watching her. Not even a sibling. She went on top of the roof of the shed and dove off into the pool. She instantly realized it was a bad idea because she smacked her head on the bottom of the pool. She swam to the top and caught her her breath from being terrified. She then said, "And can you guess what I was thinking about when I was holding on to the ledge gasping for air?"

I answered: "Well, that was probably the first time you realized your parents maybe should be out there watching you."

Her answer: "Nope, I realized I should never do that dumb dive again. It taught me to figure it out for myself and I made sure to never do it again. Sure if my parents were out there they would've told me not to do it in the first place, but I wouldn't have known why. I instead figured it out for myself. Nowadays, if someone heard that story they would've called CPS."

I laughed with her as we exchanged a few more ridiculous motherhood moments such as the time a lady made sure to come up to me as I was putting Oaklyn in her car seat and asked if I was hurting her because she was crying.
I wanted to smack her and ask if she's ever put a tired 10 month old in a car seat but I decided to let her think she was the best dog mom around instead.
There was also the time I gave Oaklyn one of those lollipops at the grocery store checkout and the woman behind me decided she should advise me not to give my one year old sugar.

I "can't wait" to see what other stories the rest of my motherhood journey will bring but I can almost guarantee it'll bring several more nights I fall asleep feeling guilty because I'm not cut out to be a mother in this era.
Sure, there are several gadgets we have now that our grandmothers could have only dreamed of back when they were mothers.
My mom couldn't believe they didn't have something as simple as a pacifier clip when I was little now that it's always attached to Oaklyn.
We may have all this awesome gear to "simplify" our lives now, but we also have too many "Nazi Moms" that are right there to tell us our child is going to die because we gave them goldfish in their lunchbox, used the off brand of sunscreen, or gave them a sippy cup that isn't bpa free.
Then there's the people that either have never been a parent, or think they're the perfect one (because they got lucky and got an easy kid) that give you dirty looks because your child dared to actually make a peep while you were shopping.
Or maybe you've all come across someone that thinks you could have been watching your child better when they get hurt.
I'm sure there was a little of this judgement back in the time Hunter's grandma was a mother, but by the sound of it, I should've given birth in that era.

The thing is, the mom groups are awesome, the ability to share knowledge with each other over the internet is great, and the freedom we get to decide how our child is born is exactly what some moms want.
But, the complexity of being a mother now is insane.
I mean come on, we have an entire aisle just dedicated to car seats.
How the heck is anyone supposed to know which one to buy??
I remember standing in the aisle when it was time to move Oaklyn out of her infant seat and feeling so overwhelmed with choices I almost just wanted to give up.
The mother next to me asked "Do you know what percentage of steel Chicco uses in their car seats?"
I looked at her with eyes wide open and said, you're gonna have to ask siri... I didn't even know car seats had steel in them.
Then I looked at Oaklyn and felt so sorry for her that I didn't know everything about everything and felt like I was inadequate to be her mom.
She smiled at me and drooled a little on her shirt and I remembered that I grew up on Koolaid and Lunchables with turkey that may have actually been rubber.
 And ya know what, I think I turned out just fine.

Being a mom nowadays means information you didn't ask for being thrown at your face every way you turn.
It means another mom disagreeing with your every decision or judging you for doing something different than they did.
It means wondering if you're doing the right thing at every moment of the day and questioning yourself with every move you make.
But it shouldn't be that way...

So here's me, another average mom, telling you that you are doing A-Okay mama.
If your baby is fed whether that be breast milk or formula, whole milk or goats milk, homemade purees or gerber jars, you're doing it right.
If your child gets sleep when they're tired, whether that's in your bed or their crib, in your arms or in their swing, with a sound machine or nothing at all, you are doing your job.
If your child is learning, whether that be home school or public school, charter school or private school, community college or a university, you should be proud of yourself for getting them that far.
If you think for one second you are failing according to the new standards of being a mom, you are not.
Keep smothering your kid with kisses, help them achieve their goals, give them a dang chicken nugget, and tell them how much you love them.
Because seriously, there is absolutely no right way to parent.
There are a million and a half suggestions if you want to listen to them, but being a mama is hard enough.
Instead just ask yourself "What would grandma do?"

All my love,
Aleigh Joy

0

A Little Kindness Never Hurt Nobody

I've been thinking quite a bit about this topic lately and it just so happens that I made a guest appearance on Steffanie's (from The Urban Hare) mocktail periscope series and the topic was on being kind.

This topic has been on quite a few mother's (or parents in general) minds lately based off the current tragedies that have made the news.

(If you are unaware please refer to the articles here and here)

It is interesting, and quite frankly, annoying, that the parents of these children have become the subject of ridicule online as they mourn the loss of their child.

No parent wants to outlive their child. Ever.

The thought alone makes my heart ache.

So what's interesting to me, is that others can't seem to offer their condolences to these families but instead feel the need to tell them that the death of their child was their own fault.

Seeing the cruel remarks of those hiding behind a computer screen makes me sick, and it needs to stop. Now. 

These words are harsh and unfair, and truly will do nothing beneficial in the end. 

You see, It’s easy to throw other parents under the bus when something horrific happens because we want to believe that we are somehow better. 

It's easy for parents to believe that their "superior parenting" can prevent a tragedy and that bad things can only happen to an "irresponsible parent."

Want to know the truth?

Bad things happen to good parents, good families, good people... and when those bad things strike they deserve our empathy, and never our judgement.

I want to share a quick story with you:

Somewhere around 10 months ago, when Oaklyn wasn't quite mobile, I was able to set her on top of my bed without worry.

In the mornings, she would lay next to me as I would relieve myself from the night and pump to supply food for her. 

She would smile and grab her toys as we laid there together.

One morning I got bored while pumping and turned my head for a split second to grab my phone. 

When I looked back she was already off the bed, in mid air, about to fall on the floor.

Her little body hit and she instantly began to scream.

I jumped off the bed and frantically grabbed her.

We spent the rest of the morning rocking on the rocking chair as I probably whispered "I'm sorry" 100 times in her little ear.

The reason I share this story with you, is because it is an example, though far less tragic, that resembles what is currently happening.

I'm sure it would be easy for a lot of you to say that I should have just kept my eyes on her and that wouldn't have happened. 

I'm also sure that some may say I shouldn't be so glued to my phone and that my daughter wouldn't have fallen.

But what I'll tell you, is that it was an accident.

It was an accident I wish would've never happened, but it did and accidents happen often.

Especially when you are a parent balancing a million things every single day.

There is no such thing as a perfect earthly parent.

So to all of you other imperfect parents out there, I beg you, to stop shaming and blaming all other mothers and fathers that are just trying to do their best daily. 

My heart breaks for all of the families that lose their children to bizarre and horrific accidents daily.

We all often point fingers, but try instead, to take the high road and show kindness to those in need.

Instead of criticizing and ridiculing, try uplifting and rallying around others.

It's much easier to smile than frown, and it is much easier to share a good thought than to deny it. 

Try your hardest to be soft and kind instead of letting the world make you bitter and hard. 

If the words you wrote on social media appeared on your skin, would others still think you are beautiful?

We all say that we want to teach our children to be kind and uplifting, well the best way to do so, is to practice what you preach. 

So I encourage all of you to back up other parents instead of tearing them down.

Parenting is hard enough, we don't need bystanders making it harder. 

And always remember, a little kindness never hurt nobody.

All my love,

Aleigh Joy 

5

Here's to You Dad!

 

I've always adored my dad, and I've always been excited to see my husband become a dad, but I didn't really understand everything that dads do, until I became a mother.

I think we can all agree that dads are pretty awesome.

There really isn't anything quite like a hug from your daddy.

And from the motherhood standpoint, they always seem to walk in at the perfect moment.

You know... that moment when you are at your wits end...

And, they play with the kids.

They ask you how your day has been.

They pretend to be a trampoline, a superhero, and a basketball hoop all as he listens to you rant about the 10 poopy diapers you changed that day.

From a child's eye, it seems that you can always count on your dad to be the first one to say no... (haha) and the first one to catch you when you fall.

Dad's are tough, they support, encourage, love, smile after a long day, give you ice cream and cereal for dinner, and supply the absolute best hugs. 

Dads offer protection and instill confidence.

My dad always had words of wisdom to offer and made sure there was a roof over our heads.

I didn't know it at the time, but he dealt with the stress of bills, work, and you know... taking care of us.

In my mind, he was already a superhero.

But, now that I see my husband doing those same things, I am even more blown away by all the unnoticed things my dad did for us growing up. 

I want to paint a scenario in your head.

It's 5:30 and you haven't even thought about what you're going to feed your family for dinner.

The baby has been throwing tantrums more than ever today, you dealt with and cleaned up yet another blow out, you managed to get the grocery shopping done in [almost] one piece, you watched the same Disney movies over and over again, you thought you might get a break during nap time but today the toddler decided she doesn't want to nap, there's spilt milk in more places than you can count but if you clean it it'll just magically appear again, and there's a mountain [or two] of laundry piled up on the bed.

You're about to pull your hair out, or run away, because it has just been one of those days...

And then, the door opens.

The kids run to the door and the toddler isn't far behind saying "dadadadada" over and over as you take a deep breath and realize your help just arrived. 

As you flash a relieved smile, he scoops the kids up and they tell him all about their day. 

You watch from a distance as he pretends he didn't just have another hard day at work, because he knows and expects there is still more work to be done.

He plays with the kids as you prepare dinner, he washes the dishes as you dry, he helps with bath time, he sings the little songs and reads the tiny books, he prays for his babies and he hugs you tight.

And you mama? You just smile and thank The Lord for dads.

 

It's easy, especially for me, to overlook all that dads actually do.

They have endless jobs they are performing and roles they are fulfilling, yet, they still make time for family and raising their children.
They are their daughters first love and their sons first hero.
Behind every great child, is a loving dad that supported them the whole way.

So here's to you dad!

To my dad, to the dad of my child, to my grandfathers, to your grandfathers and husbands... to dads everywhere, thank you!

For loving, protecting, serving, providing, encouraging, simplifying, rescuing, exemplifying, and smiling.

Happy Father's day to dads everywhere, you are and will always be, a superhero.

All my love,

Aleigh Joy

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Year Two

As of yesterday, Hunter and I have been married for two years!

To be completely honest though... it feels like so much longer!

I mean, I've totally loved the guy since I was 14.

Everyone told us that the first year would be the hardest.

I would have to disagree in our case.

We already knew each other pretty well so the first year was spent making memories as newlyweds and loving every single moment together.

We had been dreaming about being married for years before it actually happened so when we finally tied the knot, every waking minute seemed perfect.

Year two... was a bit harder.

Now I don't mean harder as in "I wish I never got married." More like, "this little person will not stop crying and I am on my very last nerve" kind of harder.

Adding a baby to our family during our second year of marriage tested and tried us in ways we really didn't expect.

We still felt like newlyweds but had to devote almost all of our attention to the little baby that "needed us more."

Year two was spent figuring out how to balance being parents and nurturing our marriage.

It was spent comforting and calming each other down in the moments we really had no idea what else to do to help Oaklyn.

It was spent working together to figure out parenthood.

It was spent crying over watching her grown up.

It was spent celebrating in her victories,

It was spent mostly, revolving around, our daughter.

This post is not to say that I regret having Oaklyn so early on in our marriage.

It's also not to say that year two wasn't a good one, but more to say that during year two we grew together in a way we didn't know possible.

Oaklyn demanded a lot from us and at the end of the exhausting days, we had each other to turn to.

During the days that my PPD kicked into full gear and I couldn't stop crying over every little thing, Hunter showed me that he will always be there.

When our little girl in the room across the hall would wake up in the middle of the night and I couldn't bare one more sleepless night, Hunter managed to gather the strength to take the shift. so I didn't have to.
When nothing around the house seemed to get done and I still hadn't gotten dressed at 4 pm, Hunter still let me know I was the greatest mother and wife.

What I am trying to say is that after reflecting on year two, it was just as amazing, if not more, than year one.

It was different. It was physically demanding and mentally exhausting.

But, it taught us how to love when we didn't think we had anything left to give.

So Hunter, Thank you for the two best years of my existence.

I'm so excited to grow up and grow old with you.

I couldn't have dreamed up a better fairy tale.

I can't believe that I get to live this life with you by my side.

I remember that summer of '08 so clearly. 

You dove into the water and somehow I just knew.

I knew you were the one I wanted, and I'm so glad you saw it too.

You are my best dream come true. Sometimes I can't believe it really is a reality.

The past two years of marriage have brought ups and downs, highs and lows, but more than anything, they have brought me more happiness than I knew one person could have.

Thank you for being there for me when I need you and for loving me through it all.

Thank you for being my Prince Charming and for continuing to "date" me.

And thank you, so much, for making me a mother and being the amazing hands-on and involved father you are.

I watched you win football games, I watched you graduate high school, I watched you head off to college, I watched you leave for and return from serving your LDS mission, I watched you get down on one knee, I watched you say "yes" across the alter, I watched you when you saw that positive pregnancy test, and I watched you become a father. 

I can't wait to see the other milestones we will hit together in life.

This love is ours Hunter, and it is a love that only comes once in a lifetime.

I loved you then, love you still, always have and always will.

Last anniversary Oaklyn was a week old.

We both agree it may have been the lamest anniversary ever haha.

We also think it's pretty funny that Oaklyn will be around for every one of our anniversaries! Ha!

This year we had a wonderful anniversary together.

 I really don't know how we'll top it!

I woke up to a sweet text from Hunter followed by a sweet note on our dry erase board.

When I got in the car, there was even a love note on the front seat!

Later, I took my time getting ready for our night out.

Hunter took me to Bombay House in Provo and it was SO good!

We then went to Cold Stone and took our ice cream to go.

We went to this park that has special meaning to us and walked around hand in hand laughing and reminiscing.

We got home and spent some time with Oaks before putting her to bed.

Hunter then handed me the first clue to my scavenger hunt!

I couldn't believe he planned a little scavenger hunt for me!

The clues we adorable and so poetic!

Each place had a gift waiting for me and I teared up because I was so happy.

I decorated a wall in our house with some garlands and balloons and wrote him a special card.

I also made chocolate covered strawberries and we sipped martinellis.

It really was the perfect day!

All my love,

Aleigh Joy

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A Yearning For Home

This afternoon Hunter was out home teaching, and I was inside playing with my Oaklyn girl.

We were in the family room on the floor, toys scattered all around, and church music playing. There was an especially happy feeling in the room. A warm spirit I can't quite explain, but I knew we both felt. Oaklyn was hiding behind my leg playing peek-a-boo, a game she has recently learned. She got bored of that particular game and made her way up to my tummy, jumping up and down and giggling with every silly face I made. My phone was on a shelf and switched to a new song, she crawled over to reach for it leaving me observing her every move on the ground. I watched as her chunky legs and hips moved together to help her crawl over to the shelf. I then watched her chubby hands grab a hold of the shelf to pull the rest of her body up. She looked back at me to make sure I was still there. I smiled at her letting her know I wasn't going anywhere, and she smiled turning back to the shelf to continue on. I watched her and felt the tender love a mother feels for her child so intense. I grabbed her and brought her to my chest. She grabbed a blankie and we "snuggle snuggled" for 10 minutes with several giggles in between. I got thirsty and got up to get a drink of water. The second Oaklyn caught sight of me walking away, the tears and sobs came with her saying "ma-ma-ma-ma" betwwen sobs. I grabbed my water and quickly returned to her. I picked her up and almost instantaneously the crying stopped. 

Oaklyn is going through a separation anxiety phase right now. I'm basically never aloud to leave her sight, or even walk a few steps away. It easily gets annoying, and exhausting throughout the busy day, but it got me thinking and feeling something a little differently on this calm Sunday afternoon.

I'm thankful my daughter wants and needs me.

I'm thankful she thinks of me as the one that nurtures her.

I'm thankful that when I leave, she wants me to come back and be with her.

I'm thankful that when I come back, she's so excited to see me. No matter how long I was gone.

I'm thankful that she feels an attachment to me, that she knows I am her mother.

I'm thankful that I'm able to be home with her, all day long, and she notices when I'm not.

I'm thankful she feels comfortable in our home and in the presence of her parents. 

I'm thankful for the fun and loving spirit she adds to our home, and I'm thankful we all feel it.

I'm thankful she loves being in her parent's presence.

And, I'm thankful we will have these happy little memories forever.

I love my family.

I love them with a love I just didn't know existed until I got married and later had a baby.

It's interesting, that when you have a little family of your own, nothing else really matters.

I want my family to always know I feel that way.

That nothing else, really, matters to me but them.

I want them to want to be home and want to have me and Hunter around. Always. Maybe a little less intense than how Oaklyn feels right now, but the same idea ha.

Oklyn's clingy stage led me to reading this talk by Marvin J. Ashton. 

It reminded me, that the home is more important than many are observing it to be today.

I want my little Oaklyn, and the rest of our future kiddos, to enjoy being home and around their parents.

It is my goal, and will be in my best efforts, always, to make sure that our home is "an anchor, a port in the storm, a refuge, a happy place in which to dwell, a place where we are loved and where we can love."

Thank you for hitting the nail on the head Elder Ashton, and for providing me with an uplifting and inspiring Sunday Message.

How do you create your home to be a "Heaven on Earth" and a place that your kids yearn to be?

All my love,

Aleigh Joy

"There is a certain kind of yearning for home we should never want to lose. Home should be an anchor, a port in a storm, a refuge, a happy place in which to dwell, a place where we are loved and where we can love. Home should be where life’s greatest lessons are taught and learned. Home and family can be the center of one’s earthly faith, where love and mutual responsibility are appropriately blended. Thinking of home with its pleasant and happy memories can make us stronger during our present and future days here upon the earth."

- Marvin J. Ashton

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On the Topic of Motherhood: Our Breastfeeding Journey

It seems that every topic that falls under motherhood is a bit touchy...
But, here we go!

During my 9 months of pregnancy I did quite a bit or research about... everything really.

Every single site I entered, blog I read, and pinterest article I found suggested that breastfeeding is the way to go. I never thought I wouldn't breastfeed. In fact, I very much wanted to strictly breastfeed from day one til at least 12 months. It was natural and... Free! However, I couldn't understand why bottle feeding appeared to be so looked down upon when I knew a ton of mothers I respected and loved that used formula. They were still feeding their babies, so what was the big deal?

 I spoke to a few moms that told me nursing is much harder than it may seem and they told me stories of the times they just wanted to give up. They informed me that it hurts and can be frustrating but it is the best thing for your baby and they will grow better if you nurse... (ha) I listened to what they had to say and thought "They must be exaggerating. I can do this." I was happy I had that mentality early on, but it ended up haunting me and causing me to get much less sleep than I could have. I wish I would have had more people telling me that the "liquid gold" I was producing was not the only way to go about nourishing my child, because formula is more than "just fine."

Oaklyn came out of the womb practically starving. She was crying a ton and would only calm down a little bit if her entire fist was in her mouth. The nurse looked at me... "Would you like to try and feed her." I looked down at my baby "Sure, I guess so." And then my breastfeeding adventure began...

Oaklyn seemed to have latched on rather quickly. I had no clue what to do with my hands and I just let her suck as she laid on my chest in what looked like a super uncomfortable position. She still wasn't completely clean and she wouldn't let me put my hand anywhere near her while she ate. If I did, she would grab on and try to direct it elsewhere. The nurse laughingly said "She's gonna be a helper!" From there, I can't even remember what happened. They took her away, they wheeled me out, and I was completely out of it. I made it to my hospital bed and they wheeled my clean, sleeping baby in. She was perfect and sound asleep. I oohed and ahhed and sent a few pictures to family. Suddenly she was crying screaming. I picked her up and just looked at her. Hunter then mentioned "maybe she's hungry." I sat down and attempted to feed her. I still had no clue what to do and no one was around to direct me. She was squirmy and couldn't seem to relax and just eat. After what seemed like an hour, we figured it out and she happily ate as I sat stiff as a board so I wouldn't jostle her and have to do it all over again. At one point a nurse came in and asked me if  I wanted them to take her to the nursery for a little bit so I could sleep. She then said "but... we'll have to give her a bottle in there." I made the choice to keep her with me and every feeding from there on out just got more challenging with no real explanation or help from the hospital's lactation consultant. Suddenly that bottle seemed more and more appealing. But, why did the nurses have such a negative tone about it?

We got home from the hospital and I continued trying to nurse and still hadn't given her a bottle. I was determined to figure this out. Every two hours, and sometimes earlier, she would scream and I knew she was hungry. There was no use in trying to use a cover because it just made the already difficult situation harder, so I would sit there completely exposed and my husband and mother could see what was happening. They were just as confused as I was as to why she would scream and scream and not latch on. I would shove it into her mouth and she would shake her little head like a puppy dog. Most of the time, I just wanted to cry as I thought to myself "why is this natural thing feeling SO unnatural?" But, I would usually just get frustrated and hand her to my mom or husband. When my milk came in, I was dying. She could not get anything out of me and it felt like I had a million pounds of bricks on my chest. Milk would leak when I showered and it was soaking my breast pads. It was there, why wouldn't she just drink it? We tried everything, different positions, squirting it in her mouth to get her started, a nipple shield, you name it! The only thing that only kind of helped was the shield. But, it wasn't guaranteed. My mom bought me a manual pump to use until my doctor prescribed me the electric one. I couldn't believe how much relief I had when I began to pump. My mood quickly brightened and I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I decided to try to nurse her once some milk was expressed because I thought it might be easier for her to latch on. Nope. We still ended up with a red faced baby that would not stop screaming and a frustrated mommy that was about ready to give up. But, I kept remembering the nurses, the articles I read, and my previous thoughts were haunting me so I would not give her formula.

 I had a bottle I got while I was pregnant and we put the pumped milk in it. Hunter took her and gave her the bottle. To all of our surprise, she guzzled it and her body was much more calm because she was getting full... I continued to try nursing her, but every single time was a nightmare and we usually would just give her a bottle of the pumped milk so she could settle down and not be starving. I made the choice to try to nurse at night and pump during the day but that quickly backfired. I would nurse her and once she would fall asleep I would take her away from my chest only to see that her latch was so poor that all the milk she got out was all over her, me, and the bed. She would wake up anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours later completely starving because not much made it in her tummy. After talking to my mother in law about how nursing just didn't seem to be benefiting me or Oaklyn, I began to pump throughout the night too. Hunter was still playing football at BYU at the time and had to get up around 6 am. I didn't want to wake him so I would let him sleep as I would get up to feed Oaks a bottle, rock her to sleep, go wash the bottle, pump, wash the pump, then go back to bed. By the time I was asleep again, she was awake an hour later and sometimes earlier. I began to dread nights and had a severe lack of sleep. I sunk into a deep depression and decided I hated motherhood. None of it was going as planned and I just wanted to go back in time and erase it all. You would think that at this point I would just give her formula right? Nope... I just kept remembering the negative things people said, so my mom guilt crept in and I could not get myself to do it. I specifically remember going to our pediatrician and a nurse I had never seen before came in to weigh Oaklyn and take her measurements. I was feeding Oaks a bottle and she looked over saying in a very rude tone "Does she always drink formula?" I let her know that it was pumped milk and she said "Oh good, she needs the real stuff. Not the fake stuff." That entire appointment I felt annoyed and almost wanted to go buy some formula just to prove her wrong. But, I didn't because I couldn't seem to shake all the things I had been told.

Here we are now... Oaklyn is 9 1/2 months old and I managed to exclusively pump for 9 whole months. I'm sure I would have gone longer, but I began to dry up. I panicked when my supply took a dive and the freezer supply was quickly disappearing. I went to Target and just stared at the millions of options of formula. I ended up calling the pediatrician and asking which one I should get. I couldn't figure out why, but I was panicked the whole way home thinking about giving her. her first formula bottle. Oaklyn took a bit to adjust but quickly realized it was still food and now guzzles her bottles just the same. It has been a huge stress reliever for me to not have to be constantly pumping and I'm so thankful that I know she is still being nourished and what is being put in her tummy will not cause any problems in her growth.

I've done quite a bit of thinking about this topic and have been wondering more and more why mothers can't just be supportive of each other. I guarantee not many people other than my close friends and my family knew what Oaklyn and I went through to try to get her to nurse and the guilt I felt for not being able to do so easily like so many other moms. I can't believe that I felt embarrassed when bottle feeding my baby because I worried about other people's judgment, and I'm a little bitter that so many nurses made me feel guilty for not being able to successfully nurse my child. Mothers go through so much as it is and we don't need any more reason to feel inadequate. I wish so badly that some of those nurses would have just said "Try your hardest but do what is best for you and your baby. If nursing doesn't work out, formula is still a great option." That's what I'll be telling new mothers. I'll let them know that whatever they choose to do, they are a great mother. I'll tell them to ignore those feeding them false information and to do what makes mama and baby happiest. I have been seeing the hashtag #breastisbest more frequently and I just want to rip my hair out! It isn't always best for mama and baby. I know one mother that tried so hard to nurse and the doctors finally told her formula was best for her baby. I know another mama that also tried to nurse and at 6 months the doctor said that for her health's sake, she needed to switch to formula. I have heard of plenty of other mother's that just don't produce enough or any milk. I am so proud of everyone that breastfeeds and I have nothing against it. I think it is a wonderful thing and I'm so glad that it works for so many! But, for those of us that had a struggle and physically or mentally could not nurse our babies... please support us too. We are all mothers that love our babies and we are all trying our best! I'm still going to try to nurse my next child and I'm hoping it will work better next time around, but if it doesn't, I will be happy to remember the knowledge I gained with my first that breast is not always best. As long as your child has a full tummy and is loved by mommy, all will work out and fall in to place! So to those of you that had a more complicated breastfeeding journey, I'm right there with you! And to those of you that had no trouble with nursing, you go girl! Keep it up and treasure those moments spent so close  to your little one :) I did not share my story to pity myself or have others feel sorry for me, I shared it because I truly believe that sharing our experiences, whether good or bad, can help other mother's in the same situation. It is never fun to feel alone in the middle night. But, I guarantee there is another mother awake going through something similar. So, let's all unite in motherhood and be there for each other. Just remember mama, you know your child better than anyone. Do what you believe is best :)

All my love,
Aleigh Joy

**If you would like other mothers to talk to in the wee hours of the night as you are awake with your babe, check out @sparklingfootsteps on instagram! She has been hosting a #latenightnursingfeed for mamas to be there for each other and chat :)

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