I must be doing something right?

Motherhood is hard, so fun, yet so hard. 

It's filled with laughter, tears, smiles, exhaustion, surprises, happiness, and constantly thinking about everything you must be doing wrong. 

We're blessed to have the internet to quickly look up answers to the many questions motherhood comes with, but it's also a curse because it tends to make you question everything you thought you were doing right. 

We're currently trying to get Oaklyn to sleep better. 

I don't mean sleep through the night, because she's actually done that quite a few times... I mean get her to fall asleep on her own... And unswaddled. 

It's harder than I could've imagined. Much harder. 

I've heard many different moms talk about doing the same thing. For some it was a piece of cake. Others had to listen to their babies scream for hours. 

We're on the latter end. 

And it's both physically and mentally exhausting. 

I've read blogs, asked friends questions, googled everything I can think of, went off of "motherly instincts", and read books. 

Turns out there's no magical cure to sleep training other than learning how your baby works. Because they're ALL different. 

That's why they don't come with an instruction manual. Though that would be nice... What works for one could be the complete opposite for another. Sigh. 

I am totally up to hearing suggestions though! 

We start Oaklyn's bedtime routine around 9. A warm bath, lotion, jammies, fresh diaper, a book, a song, a noise machine, a prayer, swaddled, bottle, bed. 

Sometimes she goes right to sleep. Sometimes it takes an hour. Sometimes she sleeps through the night. Sometimes she wakes up three times. I hate not knowing. 

But, were doing it all right... Aren't we? 

I thought so.

But wait, our grandmas used cloth diapers and sound machines didn't even exist???

My friend puts her baby down an hour earlier than I do?

Your baby eats 6 ounces and mine is still at 4?

 Ohh...

So, we decided a change was in order. 

That's when I got confused. 

Too. Much. Information.

And it's ALL different? 

Now what? 

I went to bed last night with a pit in my stomach. 

I felt like I was doing everything wrong. 

Oaklyn had screamed for an hour and a half, not even calming down when we tried to reassure her everything would be fine, before I finally gave in and swaddled her and rocked her to sleep.

Then I felt like a failure, because I gave in when I told myself I wouldn't by all means. 

And even worse, she would never learn to sleep on her own.

My exact words to Hunter; "I guess we'll just swaddle and rock her til she's 18!"

Mom guilt is real.

And, I have enough for an army of moms.

Then, she woke up in the morning. 

She cried once then just started cooing.

I walked in and stood over the crib until she saw me. 

When she spotted me she smiled SO big and giggled. 

My heart melted.

She had forgotten all about the night before and made me feel like maybe, just maybe, I was actually doing something right. 

I hugged her little self and snuggled her tons and thought "Today is a new day, and I'm going to do a lot of things wrong, but I know I'll also do something right."

All my love,

Aleigh Joy