When my thoughts get jumbled.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

This week I literally tried to write in this blog every day and just couldn't do it. I can't get a hold of my thoughts and summarize, or even interpret all that is going on in my mind. I feel overwhelmed, with happiness, sadness, excitement, fear, confusion, complete understanding, amazement, and desperation. See where I'm going with this? Actually probably not, because I'm all over the place right now. I have 5 other tabs up on my laptop, every time I type a sentence I go to another tab. And breathe. I'm distracting myself. Then I remember I need to type, I just need to get it out.

I feel exhausted. Completely. I have been busy with well, everything. If I wasn't though, I would lose my mind. I get home at night and lay down, trying to fall asleep. By the time I actually do, I have to wake up for school in only a few hours. After 7 hours of that, I either have work or something else that just needs to get done. So there's the reasoning for physical exhaustion. But mental, that's a completely different story.

I'm graduating in 11 days, 5 school days. The end is near. Yes, graduation is exciting. It's something I've been looking forward to for what seems like forever. I'm finally going to be free of pointless busy work, nagging teachers, ridiculous girl drama, and everything else that would put me in a bad mood after a 7 hour school day ha. But, then all that good stuff is over too. I don't want to look back once I leave. It's time to start a new adventure. But, high school was such an amazing adventure. It made me who I am. Not exactly the school itself, that time of life is more like it. I was blessed with the most amazing best friends anyone could ever have. They were always there, through thick and thin. 2 of them are leaving after the summer is over. We're growing up. ASB helped me find the good in others, it taught me determination, and a good work ethic. I'm retiring my cheer uniform for good. My days of sparkly bows and pep rallies are over. So yes, I'm ready to take on this world one step at a time. I just can't seem to grasp that it's over. I'm finished.

Really though leaving high school is only a small portion of why I am being so dramatic. With graduation comes the scary part. A week after I graduate I will be moving in to my best friends house. This is exciting, really! I'm just nervous, really... I get homesick so easily. Its ridiculous. Until I feel completely comfortable with my surroundings, I get this pit in my stomach. I start missing just being in MY bed, having MY shower, staying up late with MY dad at MY house. Don't get me wrong I'm beyond excited to move out, but like graduation moving out means more than just that. When I move out some "changes" will be happening. Changes I'll inform you of a bit later. They give me anxiety, but so much happiness.

Really, I guess I'm just nervous. The road ahead is creeping up far too quickly. My thoughts still feel jumbled. But, I do feel like a bit of misunderstanding is cleared. This whole time I thought I was sad that my life will be changing right before my eyes. I'm not, I'm just anxious. And nervous.

By the way, it was senior spirit week this week. Wanna see what it's like to be a senior at my school?

Little Kid Day!