When Nothing Else Makes Sense

I haven't quite been able to pinpoint my recent thoughts and feelings and adequately put them into words, but I feel like it's time to at least get something out. So, here's a little bit about how our family's world was recently rocked...
 It was a Saturday morning and I was fast asleep after being up all night. Hunter was on a camping trip and all sorts of anxiety kicks in keeping me awake when he isn't home. I can't recall what I was dreaming about when my sister in law came frantically running through my door, but what she had said made me think I was still dreaming... no wait, I thought I was having a nightmare. It was 9:55am on July 30th when I felt her tear hit my arm as we held each other close and I realized it was in fact a reality. A really horrible, devastating, unfair, unexpected, and surreal reality.  "I guess he was running and then just collapsed" I heard her say. "Right as I was headed out the door for brunch I read the text saying that dad died." We were sobbing in each other's arms and before we could even process the news we had just heard, our phones began to ring. It was other family members all as hysterical as we were. There was one common goal, get to San Diego as fast as possible. We were bawling and packing and praying and wondering how any of this could even be real. We managed to have the car packed and ready to go around 11:30 and thinking about meeting up with my sweet heartbroken husband devastated me. He had been at a campout with the young men in our church and getting the news to him, was quite difficult. I strongly remember silently praying the shortest and most sincere prayer I have ever uttered that I would somehow be able to comfort my sister in law and my husband during our unplanned car ride back home, amidst the gut wrenching feeling even I had. That 10 hour trip was something I'll never forget even though I was slapping my face to try to even stay awake. At times we were laughing about memories we had made with him and the next moment I could hear sniffles and saw tears streaming down cheeks. My own eyes were constantly welling with tears and the road was blurry almost the whole way. We were anxious to be with family but also dreading all that we were about to go through. It absolutely didn't make sense, any of it, and the rest of that week was the biggest blur. There were flowers and cards filling the kitchen, friends stopping by to offer support and comfort, funeral plans were arranged, finances were discussed, and there were tear stained cheeks everywhere you turned. 

I can hands down say, that Pat passing away has been the absolute hardest trial of any of our lives... and I cannot stand to believe that it's only beginning. It's been a month as of last Saturday, yet that time has felt like a lifetime. Sometimes, it doesn't feel real. Then again, this is the most real pain I have ever felt. I've gone through a variety of emotions these past few weeks and I'm sure the rest of the Moore family has as well. I've felt sad beyond comparison, then I'll remember a happy memory and smile through the heartache. I'll be listening to a song that brings me joy which quickly turns to tears. I've felt encouragement that we can do this incredibly hard thing, and then a blanket of fear takes over my mind. I've luckily felt a glimpse of peace knowing that our Father in Heaven has a wonderful plan and yet the next moment, I'll feel anger that we were robbed of what could have been.

It may seem odd to some people that I'm so upset over my father in law passing, especially because of all the jokes that in laws are hard, but I won the lottery in this department and loved him like a second father. So, to give you some background, here's a glimpse of the kind of man Pat was. He was humble and teachable yet always seemed to know the answer. He was kind and loving, yet tough when he needed to be. He was athletic and ate well, yet knew life was short so he enjoyed a treat or two. He got excited over his new "toys" but never bragged or let his "things" be the center of his life. His prized possessions were his family, faith, and country and he could talk your ear off about all three if you let him. He made the world's best cookies and really enjoyed a movie night if we were watching Sweet Home Alabama, A Cinderella Story, or Galaxy Quest. He has an incredible testimony of the restored gospel and served in his church callings diligently. He managed to care about and help everyone that came into his life in some shape or form. He also made sure all of his good deeds went unnoticed as he never sought praise. Pat accomplished more before 9am everyday than anyone I've ever known, and finished all the Lord needed of him on this earth in only 57 years.

It's safe to say that none of this makes sense to me. Not any part of it. I've gone through several scenarios in my head just trying to understand how this could happen to us, or better yet, why this happened to us. You know that line in the song "If I Die Young" that goes, "funny when you're dead how people start listening?" I think that was written for Pat. His teachings, even though he isn't physically here on earth, are still being taught. I know that his legacy will live on and his short life with bless others, but it just doesn't seem fair to us. I know the Lord needs him but it's hard not to feel like we need him more. As I was thinking about my sweet mother in law and recognizing her strength through this incredibly difficult trial, I realized the only thing keeping her going, is her testimony. The same goes for the rest of the family. Without it, I'm positive this would be a million times harder. Even though nothing else seems to make sense to me, at least my testimony of Heavenly Father's plan  does. I know we will see Pat again. In fact, I'm positive he's preparing to show us all around and can't wait for us to be there with him. The veil between our earthly home and our heavenly home has been incredibly thin these past few weeks as I've pondered the concept of life and death.

 I know what the plan is for all of us and I truly believe in it, but I'll admit I have wondered how "The Plan of Happiness" could be anything but happy for us right now. It's taken a month of deep thought and prayer to come to understand that His plan is so much more than what happens on this earth and what we can comprehend. True and complete happiness, the kind where families can be together forever, where children don't ever go hungry, where slavery doesn't exist, where goodbyes aren’t necessary, where bodies don’t age, get injured, bleed, or die, and where "bad news" is never said, can only exist in a greater place. This is the happiness we’re being shaped for while being tested and tried on this earth. It’s the happiness that will be ours, without end, once we make it through our time on a fallen world that promises opposition daily. It’s the joy that will be our rest once we work hard and have done all we were meant to do in mortality. His plan of happiness, is happiness, and that will bring hope and faith to our hearts during this life when nothing else seems to make sense. 

I've began to think a little deeper about the blessings we all crave. You know, to pay the bills without worry each month, to take away the physical and emotional pain our loved ones experience, to see those struggling with infertility finally have children, and to be reunited with the loved ones taken from us too soon... These blessings that seem to never come make so many of us wonder, “How is this really in a plan of happiness?” And that’s when we need to be reminded that if we lived a life free of opposition and trouble, we truly would never know the complete joy waiting for us, and we’d never have a need for Him. After all, happiness isn’t a lack of misery, it’s knowing the feeling of misery and then living eternally in a place where that is overcome.

Every so often, we are blessed with a little reminder of a broader, more eternal plan. A plan that we can't quite understand because the concept of eternity is not one our minds can quite grasp in our mortal state. But, there’s a beauty in knowing that our eternal value is far greater than any feeling we'll ever experience during our time away from home and that a seat is being saved for us by our loved ones we dearly miss. 

It's hard, honestly, to not feel discouraged when hardship falls upon us. It's scary to think of the rest of our lives without a spouse, parent, child, sibling, friend, or grandparent. I'm sure several of you are nodding your head because you have been through the same sorrow, though a different gravestone. It's easy to question and wonder how this could really be a perfect plan when it feels far from it while going through the trials we once agreed to enduring. But, let us always remember that the Lord has felt every pain we will ever feel and wants us to need Him. He agreed to the plan just as we did, and though it's everything but easy currently, it will lead to pure and eternal joy.

“Frustrations are only temporary... The Lord has promised that in the eternities no blessing will be denied his sons and daughters who keep the commandments, are true to their covenants, and desire what is right.” -Dallin H Oaks

Pat, we'll miss you every day until His great plan is fulfilled. Thank you for uplifting us, teaching us, helping us, and guiding us. Thank you for being the perfect role model for my husband. I can't wait to teach my kids all about you and I must admit, I'm a little jealous you get to meet them before me ;) "Our ultimate goal is to live together forever in the presence of The Lord, Forever Moore."

If you'd like to see the beautiful memorial video made for Pat by my sister in law Michelle, click here.

And lastly, thank you to everyone who has supported our family in the form of words, prayers, meals, cards, hugs, texts, phone calls, monetary donations, and just being there... We appreciate it far more than we'll ever be able to say. 

All my love,

Aleigh Joy

0

Nostalgia

Last night the wives got to decorate the locker room for the senior football game this afternoon. 

I brought my balloons, streamers, and poster board and walked into the lavell Edwards stadium locker room for the first time. 

A million memories came flooding back to me as I had done this all of high school for Hunter as well. 

Of course these lockers are bigger, nicer, and more official. Oh, and it didn't smell half as bad as the high school locker room! 

But... It brought back the exact same feelings of excitement and pride for our team, and love and adoration for Hunter. 

I've loved watching him play all these years and I'm so grateful it didn't end in high school. 

I stood back and looked at his locker all finished, just as I had in high school. I smiled and pictured him running out in his helmet, cleats, and shoulder pads just as I had in high school. Only now, we're married. And next year, I'll bring our baby girl with me to decorate daddy's locker. 

I was sure feeling incredibly sentimental, and incredibly grateful that we get to experience this journey, and all of life's other journeys... Together. Forever. 

So here's to your first year of college football lovebug! I can't wait for the years to come :)

All my love,

Aleigh Joy

Ps. It gets better... He played in his first college football game today and I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. My eyes were wet, my heart was pounding, and my hands were shaking. I've seriously missed watching that stud play. He's incredible. And he's all mine ;)

2

A Much Needed Trip Back Home

Last night I got maybe an hour of sleep.

I was so frustrated that I got up and paced the kitchen... thinking maybe that would make me tired? 

I don't know. It sounded like a good plan at 3 a.m.

I was just starting to doze off when I heard Hunter's alarm go off.

you have got to be kidding me.

Somehow, I still got into work today right on time.

I had to use all my might not to show up in basketball shorts, slippers, and a t-shirt.

I still wore a not-so-t-shirt-ish t-shirt and sweats.

It took at least 15 minutes for two kids to show up.

It took at least and hour for only two more to show up.

And it then only took an hour more for my boss to tell me I could go home!

Hallelujah.

I figured this would be a good opportunity to catch up on our trip back home!

I must say, I love that we both have the same hometown.

I truly do not despise Utah. 

In fact, I kinda like it.

Because of that, Hunter and I decided we might actually be able to end up somewhere other than San Diego when we're older and have figured out where we want life to take us.

I mean, if we can have fun and make friends here, we could do that in say, South Carolina... right? (No we are not really thinking about living there, it just kinda came to my mind ha)

Welllll... then we drove into good 'ol San Marcos.

And, my heart felt full.

I could smell the ocean air, palm trees were right out my window, and of course... Jack in the Box!

San Diego is home.

It always will be, even if we do end up somewhere else for unknown reasons at this time. 

But for now, we are enjoying Utah and we are trying to make the most of our adventure in this home away from home :)

Here's some snaps from our visit with family.

All my love,

Aleigh Joy

0

A Grateful Girl.

We had a really lovely weekend.

We accomplished "adult things", we ate yummy dinners, we enjoyed sunshine, we enjoyed time with each other, the pool opened, we made peanut butter cookies, we spent time with our lovely new friends, I cut Hunter's hair, we felt God's love in the temple, we got milkshakes, we planned our trip to California, we got really excited for our cruise, and in the midst of it all we grinned ear to ear as we discussed how getting married was the best decision we could have possibly ever made.

I don't know what I did to deserve the life I'm living but I was overwhelmed with gratitude for all the many blessings I have in my life as I laid my head down on my comfy pillow to fall asleep last night. 

My husband was breathing heavily beside me somewhere in dreamland, a wonderful Sunday was coming to a close, and we were ready to start a new week. 

Weekends always go by much too quickly.

I've always hated when Sundays hit around 9 o'clock. I begin dreading falling asleep because I know the next time I open my eyes, I'll have to get ready for a new week.

I was contemplating this last night. Why do I dread a new week so much?

I mean sure it's quite possibly because a carefree weekend is over, but really the week days aren't all that bad.

I like my job. A lot. Especially since a 5 week old baby just came.

(I'm in love with her. She's just so squishy.)

I really love coming home and being with my husband again.

I love cooking dinner, doing the dishes together, and just enjoying our time together. 

I came to a conclusion that

A: it's just a social norm to hate Mondays and a new week

&

B: I forget how wonderful this little life of mine is right now because there is always something more and something else to look forward to.

But last night was different.

It was the first Sunday in a while that I felt excited to see what memories this new week would bring rather than dreading it.

I was counting my blessings rather than making mental lists of what could be and what needs to be.

I felt truly happy.

There was something in the way Hunter was peacefully breathing beside me that made me reflect on these things.

I love him. I really love him.

And, I love that he is a constant reminder to me that I am living the life I dreamed of since the day I met him.

There was something in my reflection in the mirror with my apron on and a mixing bowl in my arms that made me think back to all the Sunday's I dreamed of cooking for my husband. 

There was something in our family night discussion that reminded me how perfect the gospel is and how lucky I am to have married a returned missionary.

There was something about reading my book in my lounge chair next to the pool with my husband right beside me that made me smile about our simple, yet oh so wonderful life. 

(I really didn't mean for this to sound "braggy" at all.

I'm just happy, and grateful, and in love.

And, this was the result.)

Here's to another week, and another reason to smile.

All my love,

Aleigh Joy

(Pardon the screenshots of snapchats)

0

He Asked, I Said Yes. (The Proposal)

Well hello there :)

This whole being engaged and planning a wedding thing is a whole new world to me.

A couple months ago, I would have had each blog post planned and known exactly when I would post it.

Then planning a wedding in less than two months happened and suddenly this little blog of mine has become way less of a priority. 

Sorry about the delay, but I'm really really loving this time in my life :)

I can't believe it will be over in a little less than 13 days!

Alright, on with it:

So, Hunter is in Utah attending Brigham Young University and waking up at 5 in the morning almost every day for football workouts. It's still beyond me that he was on a mission like 6 weeks ago. 

I'm in San Diego planning our wedding, working, and getting ready to be a wife!

Yep, we're apart again. But what's new right?

So after the week of pure bliss, we had to leave each other again. 

As mentioned in my previous post. 

But, he came home to give me my sparkly ring about 2 weeks later :)

(by the way, it is a really fun feeling looking down at the keyboard and seeing my diamonds sparkling away on my finger!)

When the ring was purchased, it was quite a bit bigger than my midget fingers. 

So it all ended up working out because Hunter and I were apart while the ring was being sized.

We clearly were in a time crunch with the date we chose to get married, so we did pretty much everything out of order.

We've always been just a little different anyways :)

Most of the big parts of planning were out of the way, but we only had one weekend to get everything done that needed to be done together. 

Hunter came home on January 24th and practically right as his plane landed we were in the car on our way to get ourselves a marriage license.

That was an experience.

You will find all sorts of characters in a place like that haha.

I think half of the people were looking at us thinking we were babies and way too young to get married while the other half probably thought I was pregnant.

But $70 later, we were licensed to wed in the state of California :)

(You really have to pay for that? So stupid.)

We then spent the evening walking around downtown San Diego where we found the USS Midway where we went to our first prom together.

We even found the pier we slow danced on.

(and this time we realized how unromantic the atmosphere was hahaha)

Afterwards, we went over to my parents house for dinner.

It was delicious and it was a lot of fun spending time with them.

Once dinner was over it was time for Hunter and my dad to have their "talk."
My mom and I grabbed milkshakes as they discussed whatever they discussed. 

Luckily he survived, ha
So now, Hunter was officially able to give me my ring and the biggest news of our lives could finally be announced.
On January 25th we had a full day planned.
It was an interesting feeling waking up and thinking "Today I am going to officially be engaged. What should I wear when I get proposed to?"
Haha, like I said we do things a bit differently.
I knew Hunter would be proposing that day, I just didn't exactly know how.
So, we were off to Target and Bed Bath and Beyond to register for wedding gifts.
yes we totally did that before we were "officially" engaged but I already felt like I was :)
Let me tell ya, it was a blast having Hunter scan all the fun little things we needed for our first home together.
Well, I think I had more fun but he was a good sport :)
Afterwards, we went back to his parents house to quickly grab lunch before we headed out to the beach.
As we were on our way to the beach I had a little feeling in the back of my mind that he would propose there but I wanted to be just a little surprised so I played dumb haha.
Once we got there we laid on the sand and enjoyed Hunter's first time at the beach in over two years.
We walked down to the water to play around.
We were all smiles being in 75 degree weather in January at the beach together.
Then... I uh split his lip open.
Haha yes you totally read that right.
Hunter was standing behind me and I was holding his hands. In my head I thought, "oh if I lift myself up a little bit he can hold me." So, I jumped up (I'm a spaz) and my head hit his chin. He was smiling, so once my head hit his chin he bit his lip.
There was blood, and I felt like crying.
Lucky for me he is the sweetest boy and didn't make me feel bad for ruining all his plans.
Go me.
We laid on the beach together and I pretty much felt horrible, but being with him made it a whole lot better.
We decided to go to a few other memory spots once we left the beach.
We went to a park where we had a fun little date and reminisced on old memories. We passed by another park with even more memories. Then we went to a park that overlooks all of San Marcos and pointed out where our first kiss was, where we went to high school, my parents house, and his, and other spots that were memorable to us.
I was on the verge of tears thinking of all the history we have together and looking over the town where we made each of those cherished memories and fell in love oh so young.
(We always say that Tattoos On This Town is totally our song)
We talked about how far we've come and how much farther we have to go.
Then, it got better :)
We started walking higher up the trail when I heard Hunter say, "Hey Aleigh, Catch!"
I turned around to see him tossing me a football with the sweetest grin.
I almost didn't, but luckily I caught it :)
I quickly noticed that my beautiful ring was attached with a pink ribbon tied on the ball.
Then he ran up to me, got down on one knee, and asked me to be his wife.
 To be his for time and all eternity :)
My eyes got teary but I of course said yes and jumped into his arms.
Yes, kisses were involved after he slid the ring on my finger and we took a moment to look back at the city where I cheered him on several Friday nights as he led our football team to victory.
Back then, I had only dreamed of him asking me to marry him.
But that day, my wildest dreams became a reality as I joined his team forever and became his receiver scoring the most amazing man in the entire world to be with for eternity. (So much better than a touchdown haha)
The Lord just knows us so much better than we know ourselves.
Although it involved a bloody lip, he led us to that park to remind us of the amazing journey He has led us on.
He led us to one another and we quickly figured out we were perfect for each other, and now I get to say that I am marrying the man of my wildest dreams in the most beautiful temple in the world.
Nothing brings me greater joy than knowing I will be HIS Mrs. Moore and that we get to share eternity together.
I constantly ask myself how on earth I got so lucky.
I didn't know it was physically possible to be so passionately in love with someone and to be so completely happy.
The rest of the day I was giddy beyond belief.
He was too :)
We couldn't leave each other's side for more than five minutes without feeling like the other half was missing.
We were totally that annoying couple, and I'm so not ashamed.
Sunday January 26th Hunter finally gave his homecoming talk and I sat there amazed at what an amazing man he is.
He is so in tune with the spirit and knows exactly how to make sure there isn't a dry eye in the house.
I looked down and saw my sparkly ring on my finger as he was speaking and was suddenly reminded that that amazing man is mine, forever.
My eyes welled with tears as I once again felt like the luckiest girl in the entire world.
We had to say goodbye once again that day, and that was truly the hardest goodbye yet.
We both got quiet in the car on the way to the airport when the tears did the talking.
We spent a little while talking about our future eternal family and the happiness and joy that would bring us.
Then, it was time to say goodbye once again.
We blew kisses as I drove away and the tears leaked from my eyes the entire way home.
So it goes, we have been apart since.
Thank goodness for facetime and phone calls because truly, this is torture.
Somehow, the two years we spent apart were easier than this is.
But, I cannot wait to marry my sweetheart and never have to say goodbye for more than a few hours again :)

So there ya have it!
That is how we got engaged, and it was truly perfect in every way possible for us :)
I love Hunter with every ounce of my being and I am thrilled to be his wife!
Here's to eternity :)

Maybe I'll find some time to catch up on wedding planning now that we're getting married in 12 days!
aww music to my ears :)

All my love,

Aleigh Joy

1

See You Soon My Love

Twenty Three Months!!!

The last of the monthly countdown posts is here!

I've only been dreaming of this moment since day one.

I'm in disbelief that he is really coming home.

When you are apart for this long, being together again feels a bit more like a dream than a reality.

A really, really, really good dream , however reality will be so much better :)

The dreams were nice while they lasted, but I'm beyond ready for the real thing.

For, him :)

So, I guess this is the end of the line.

Why am I crying right now?

How did we get here?

I can't believe it!

What's even harder to believe is that in 22 days I will be able to hug him, touch him, smell him, hold his hand, hear his voice, go on dates with him, play speed and war with him, make fun of college names during basketball season with him, tickle him, snuggle with him, look into his eyes, feel the rush of excitement I get just standing in his presence, show him off to the world, and yes I will be able to kiss him. What? Yes. Yes I said that :)

I love that boy.

I love him with all that is in me.

Oh wait did I say boy?

I meant man.

I forgot that he's a big bad 20 year old now.

The last I saw him he was a teenager.

Only 18 actually.

Time flies. 

So I wanted to let you in on a little secret.

Do you want to know if you really love someone?

Let them go.

I know you won't believe me, but really.

I promise that you don't know what you got til it's gone. 

Hunter's dad told us this when we were youngins, and I finally know why.

With every passing week we spent apart, with every letter that was written, with every picture that was sent, with every tear that was shed, with every package that was put together, with every memory that was replayed... we fell that much more in love.

We have grown closer together during this time apart than I thought was possible. 

My heart is aching to be with him again, but I will forever be grateful for this time we spent apart.

I need him in my life forever, and thank goodness he feels the same way. 

We said goodbye for two years and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

 But in the grand scheme of things, that is absolutely nothing compared to eternity :)

Elder Moore, I feel like a giddy little school girl thinking about you coming home to me. 

And now to finish up my favorite story, the story of us.

This last bit might be hard to get through without tears being shed.

Thank goodness it will be soon enough that we can make new memories :)

Here's the link to my last post!

(ps. this ones a long one)

Every day of that last summer we spent together felt like a fairy tale. Every night we said goodbye that summer made the hole in my stomach feel bigger and bigger. Hunter was getting ready to take off for BYU and even though I knew we would one day end up together, I couldn't shake that nervous feeling of just wanting to keep him here away from all of those Cougars. And by that I actually mean all of the ring hungry freshman. Sorry, that wasn't meant to be offensive but it was a real concern haha. The night before he left I tried my hardest to keep the tears to myself. When I got in my car, I broke down. I wanted senior year to just be over. I couldn't imagine going through a whole year of high school without him. The next morning I said goodbye to him before I had to leave for my first day of my senior year. Neither of us knew what to say, so we just held each other tightly in our arms. I then looked at him and said "are you ready for your surprise?" Now, I somehow overlooked explaining what this surprise was when I should  have a few posts back. So I'll do some explaining now. I began creating this surprise back when I was a sophomore in high school. I had planned on giving it to him before his mission but before college felt like a better fit. I had worked on it all those years and he had no idea what it was. I would just tell him "Oh, I'm just working on the surprise what are you doing?" and it drove him crazy trying to guess what it was. So, the time was finally here. We walked out to my car and I pulled out a red bag. He opened it to find a card. In that card I explained to him that the bag contained three journals. I wrote in those journals about us and our love story every single day since I started them my sophomore year. I wanted us to have them to show our kids in the future, to reminisce on old memories, and for him to see how I felt after every day or night we spent together. I poured my heart out in those journals, I told him secrets I hadn't told anyone else, and I put old pictures, movie tickets, homecoming tickets, and anything I thought of in those pages. After reading the card he was already in tears. As he took them out one by one I began to cry. He pulled me in for a hug and told me that he loved me. Between the tears I was able to look up and tell him that I loved him as well. We walked back inside hand in hand and it was about time to say goodbye. What is the right way to say goodbye? I'll never know, because no matter what it hurts more than anything. Although I hated the fact that he would be ten hours away, I was grateful  that it prepared us for the bigger goodbye that was to come. After we had our final hug he watched my car drive away with his little sister in the passenger seat. It was a very quiet ride to school with a few sniffles here and there and lots of tears being wiped. I headed straight for my first class hoping that I wouldn't see anyone. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to have to explain how sad I felt. I avoided as many people as I could until one of my friends stopped me in the hallway. She took one look at me and said "You said goodbye to him today didn't you?" I immediately reached out for a hug and began crying once again. And so goes the first week of my senior year. Him being away was difficult. We were advised to only call each other once a week and almost never text each other. Which was really the hardest thing ever. But, those Sunday 5 hour calls were heaven on earth. I don't know how we never ran out of things to talk about but the phone bill was out of control. After a month and half apart he came home for his brothers wedding. My hands were sweating waiting for the car to pull up. Seeing him again was surreal. We didn't leave each others side that weekend. It truly goes down as being one of the best weekends in the history of ever. I remember one night in particular. It was the night of the wedding. We were already dreading the goodbye once again so we made the most of the time we had. How? Sleeping... It was a long day and we snuggled up on the couch at the end of the night. I played with his hair and he fell asleep. It wasn't long before I followed his lead and fell asleep on his shoulder. We were woken up by his dad who let us know it was time to say goodnight. It took about 5 minutes to actually wake up but when we did we looked into each other's eyes in a way we never had. I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. We were lost in a trance and we both agreed that we absolutely HAVE to get married one day. A feeling like that only happens once with one person, and we were each other's one person. Of course that goodbye was no easier than the first. I woke up extra early to say goodbye to him since he had plans on hitting the road practically before the sun rose (exaggeration). We spent some time snuggling and I watched him do some last minute packing. I was sitting on a rocking chair just watching him walk back and forth. He walked passed me and winked. I giggled like a school girl. He came back and winked again and it made my heart skip a beat just as the first wink did. He started walking away and then stopped. He came right back over and kissed me. Right then, I visualized our future. And it was perfect. I was counting down the days until he would be home for Thanksgiving. Then I had the most brilliant idea. I proposed to Hunter that I should take a little trip up to Utah and visit him for a few days. We worked out all the details and my plane ticket was bought. I had knots in my stomach on the plane ride to Salt Lake. I couldn't believe I was actually on my way to see him! I called him when I landed and after a minute or two of figuring out where each other were our eyes finally met. Yes, it was absolutely a scene from a movie. And yes, he opened the car door for me :) We had some time to kill before we were going to the BYU football game that night so he took me to a little park. It was freezing, but we threw snow balls at each other, ran around the park holding hands, and looked at the crazy ducks swimming in the icy water. Later that night we went to the game together. We both froze our buns off but it was so worth it being with each other. My heart jumped when one of his friends would walk over and say "So this is the girl?? I've heard so much about you!" We snuggled as it snowed, but our California blood finally had enough. We left during the third quarter and spent the rest of the night defrosting in the car listening to Christmas music. He took me to one more park where we talked about our future and all it had in store for us. We sat there in silence for a minute or two and tears started rolling down my cheeks. He of course thought I was sad but I instead let him know that I was happier than I ever had been and those tears were incredibly happy tears! He hugged me even tighter once I said that and then took me to where I was staying. I took a warm shower that night feeling like I was living a real life fairy tale. We spent our time together at temple square, walking around BYU, and at his brother's house. We made memories that we will treasure forever and lucky for us we then got to spend 10 hours in the car together on our way back to California for Thanksgiving. That of course was also amazing and once again the goodbye killed me. What killed me even more though, was knowing that the next goodbye would be for two years instead of a couple of months. After 2 more weeks he came home for Winter break. After many wonderful nights spent snuggling and watching Christmas movies his farewell talk snuck up on us. It was 9:00am church on New Years Day and I was fighting to stay awake. that is, until he took the stand. I cried in happiness as he bore his testimony of the restored gospel. I knew he would be an amazing missionary. I knew he was doing the right thing. I knew we would get through the two years. But, I still wished I could just pause time. The night of his farewell party we spent an hour talking outside in the cold before it started. We spoke to each other about what we really hoped for in the future and though he didn't necessarily "ask" me to wait for him we discussed how we would make that work too. I promised him that I would be right here when he got back. A promise I intend to keep :) It was scary realizing the next time we would see each other we would have to be grown ups and take on "real life" together. So yes, we have had a serious talk about our future, our plans, and our desires. And yes, they absolutely matched up. Yet another confirmation that we are meant to be. The next few days were a blink and it was suddenly time to say goodbye. We snuggled for the last time and held each others hands tightly. We wished time would just stop for the moment but the clock kept ticking. I closed my eyes and tried my hardest to engrave that moment into my mind. When I opened them my stomach sank. It was time. We took one look at each other as tears began to fill our eyes. I buried my head in his chest and couldn't stop the tears. I had never cried so much in my life, I had never felt that genuinely sad. I held on to him wishing I would never have to let go. He wiped the tears from my eyes and let me know that everything would be alright. I wanted to believe him, but my heart felt like it was breaking into a million little pieces. He lifted my head up and whispered "I love you Aleigh, I really do." I was able to tell him the same between the sniffles. It was time for him to put his suit on so he could be set apart as a missionary so I took another look at him trying to wipe away my tears and be strong. He pulled me in close for another hug and whispered one more thing: "Aleigh Joy, will you marry me? I promise I'll say it better in two years." I was able to smile and I whispered "Yes, I wouldn't have it any other way." So, I guess you could say we are engaged to be engaged! After another hug he got up to put his suit on. His mother then came over and sat with me and said some of the kindest things I'll never forget. We cried together and hugged and I knew then that she would help me get through these two years. And that she did :) His Father gave him a blessing and yes, we all cried through that too. Everyone got up and Hunter and I had blank stares realizing it was really time. We embraced again and my makeup got on his white shirt. Why didn't I wear waterproof mascara? He told me it would be something to remember me by :) We exchanged the first of many letters and everyone made their way to the car. We went the opposite direction to say goodbye in the same spot we had since the first night I came over to his house. When we opened the front door his sister and sister in law were there to give us hugs. He walked me down to my car and there we had our last hug for two years. We said I love you in the most sincere tone I have ever heard it said and then I watched him drive away. And, my heart absolutely broke. I stayed in my car trying to catch my breath. The tears wouldn't stop. I felt like I had absolutely no control over my emotions. I drank some water and prayed for comfort. At that moment I felt prompted to read that first letter. I will cherish that letter forever. He is the sweetest boy I have ever met. That night I had quite a bit of trouble falling asleep. I covered my eyes with his blanket and prayed that he would be in my dreams. I woke up the next morning feeling drained. I stayed in my pajamas the entire day and looked at wedding ideas on pinterest. That was the beginning of the loneliness and the heart ache. Being away from the one you love isn't easy, in fact it is quite hard but I wouldn't trade this time apart for anything. We have both grown so much. We had to grow apart to grow together. I have fallen Moore in love with him each day he has spent in Ohio and I have spent in California. We put our relationship on hold for two years but somehow the letters got us through. I never even thought about dating anyone else. I didn't have a desire. I know he is the one and in 22 days we will make up for all the time we spent apart. That moment, when every feeling comes rushing back, will make it all absolutely worth it. 

Hunter Miles Moore, I loved you back then, I love you still, I always have, and I always will.

Well friends, there you  have it!

But don't worry, the story doesn't end here! 

It's only just beginning :)

All my love,

Aleigh Joy

7