You + Me and What We've Learned As a Family

Hunter and I went to run a quick errand yesterday, just the two of us.

As we got out of the car and started walking towards the store, I kept feeling like I was missing something or had forgotten something.

As I thought about it more, I realized it was because we didn't have kids in tow.

We were able to just get out of the car and walk straight towards the store.

No meltdown from Oaklyn about not wanting to sit in the cart, no trying to decide if we should use the cart or the stroller for both girls, no diaper bag, no snacks to keep them occupied... we literally just got out of the car and ran our errand.

We talked about how funny it is that everything becomes more difficult when you have kids.

The simplest things in life become the most challenging and suddenly everyday things require a whole lot more planning and thinking. 

Hunter jokingly said, "can you imagine how easy life would be if it was just me and you?" 

We both chuckled and continued on, but I thought about it some more.

Holy cow, it really would be WAY easier!

I would be able to work full time and therefore, saving for a house would be way easier.

We would get to eat dinner in silence and maybe even enjoy our meal, ha!

We would be able to go on date nights, any night.

We'd be able to sleep through the night, take more vacations, spend more time together, invest more time in hobbies, and probably have a little more sanity if we're being totally honest... 

There's a lot of life changes that come with a bundle of joy.

There's a lot of time and energy spent on taking care of them when you would much rather take care of yourself. 

There's a whole lot more hard moments and ten times more whining and crying.

Truthfully, life would be a lot easier without kids.

But, that doesn't mean it would be better...

Life as just me and you, was delightful.

It was carefree and fun, it was spontaneous and exciting, and it was a time that will forever be a happy memory to me.

But, we have added two little people to our family and have dreams to add more. 

They have brought challenges, that's for sure, but they have also brought more joy than we ever would have experienced had we not chosen to have them.

Children are supposed be challenging.
They're supposed to make you grow and think outside of yourself.

They are supposed to teach us what we need to learn to become better and stronger.

Caring for someone else who completely depends on you, is the absolute best way to learn the attributes of our Savior.

Hunter and I have probably lost a few brain cells since we have become parents, haha, but we have gained experiences and perspectives that no university or job will ever teach.

So to any newlyweds or expecting parents... one day you'll have a child or two or a few that change most everything. 

So cherish the time you have now and keep those memories of just the two of you engrained forever, but never lose sight of the importance of being parents.

The day to day life gets "harder" but trust me, it actually is better.

All my love,

Aleigh Joy

*Loving this dress from Pink Blush! I think the choker neckline is so cute and fun because I don't even have to accessorize! Check out Pink Blush for any and all cute maternity clothes or trendy women's clothes!

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#That'sLife

Oaklyn's Cute leggings are from Fancy Frogz boutique

I am continually finding that children teach adults much more than we will ever teach them.
Or at least that's how it's going in my case.
I'm constantly picking out life lessons I needed to understand based off what my child or other people's children have taught me.
Yesterday, was one of those teaching moments.

I took Oaklyn and Hunter's young cousin to a little carnival in our town.
We were having fun doing all the activities and both kids got several prizes.
Because Oaklyn is little, she didn't even understand when her 2nd cousin (once removed?) won more than her or got a different flavor of candy.
It made things quite easy on my end.
The last thing we were going to do before going home was get balloon animals.
We waited in line for a while and I told both girls to start thinking about what they wanted as we got closer.
Of course Oaklyn could care less but when she heard her cousin say she wanted a dog, that's immediately what she wanted too.
Okay, easy enough... I'll even get them in the same color so they don't want the other one's balloon.
The man making the balloon animals clearly doesn't have children because he made two pink dogs, but in two different shades of pink...
He handed one to each girl and we walked away with two excited kiddos.
As we were walking to the car I asked Hunt's cousin if she had fun.
She said, "yeah, I just wish my balloon was the color of Oaklyn's."
She didn't say it in a bratty way, she just truly liked that shade of pink better.
I told her I was sorry and that we would be more specific with the guy next time because we both knew there was no getting that balloon animal out of Oaklyn's hands.

I knew she didn't care much and very easily moved on, but it caused me to think about how that same scenario often happens in my own life.
I buy a new dress and I love it, until I see another girl in the same dress but a different color.
Suddenly, I really want that color and forget how much I loved my dress in the first place.
I get so excited to decorate for holidays and parties and then I see other's decor and suddenly just want to change mine completely.
There's even times when I'm actually very content with my life but some way or another a shadow of doubt sweeps over my mind creating a blanket of jealousy and suddenly my life is not up to par.
I then completely forget just how happy I was before my mind started playing the game of comparison.
However, this child managed to move on quite a bit easier than I tend to because #thatslife.

It was interesting to me to realize that jealousy happens at an incredibly young age and just carries on in different forms as we get older.
It may thin out over the years as we get more comfortable and confident with our own lives, but it seems to always be there even when we don't really notice it.
It manipulates our minds into thinking we always need something different or more.
I'm not proud to admit that jealousy in my own mind has caused me to think things I don't truly mean, and change things that didn't need fixing.
I'm always striving to better myself and a little healthy competition can be a good thing, but once it turns to envy and rules our thoughts and actions, it's time to reevaluate.
We cannot live our best life and up to our full potential if we are just wishing we had someone else's success and happiness.

Jealousy often happens when you can relate to someone in some shape or form.
Such as when you have the same amount of kids as your best friend, when you have a similar house as your neighbor, or even when you have similar talents as a family member.
If you are unable to relate to a person, generally, they don't threaten those little jealousy monsters in your mind because they aren't seen as "competition" or as having anything more you desire.
However, just like the balloon story, all it takes is something you remotely desire to set off those thoughts.

I looked in my rear view mirror and saw the two girls playing together with their dogs, or as Oaklyn says, "Gidas."
They were content and smiling and it was as if they no longer could see the color difference of the two balloon animals.
They were having fun and laughing and I couldn't help but think, "why is it so hard for me to move on from a jealous mindset if it's so easy for them?"
We are taught by the scriptures that we are to become like little children.
Why? Because even though they may drive us crazy at times, they are perfect.
This small little balloon encounter was yet another witness of that to me.
This child decided to move past her initial jealous instincts and see my daughter as her family and someone she loves.
She decided to love my daughter and showed it by playing with her, while also deciding to love what she initially didn't.
She changed her mindset, just as we all should try to do, with love.

So, when life hands me something that may appear to be "not enough," I'll remember that my own version of the pink balloon can still bring me joy and happiness if I just let love conquer every thought and feeling.

All my love,
Aleigh Joy

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I Hate Being A Parent In This Day

Photo By Kiely Ro Photography

I was talking to Hunter's grandma the other day on the way home from a baby shower, and the conversation we had really stuck with me.

We began talking about motherhood, pregnancy, and children. 

She said something along the lines of "I had no idea what any of you girls were talking about with your pregnancies. It's like I didn't go through it 5 times with how little of the medical terms I understood."

I then told her I was just about as clueless as her and I actually went through a pregnancy in this day and age.

Giggling, I then said: "Yeah you should've seen the look on the nurse's face when she asked for my birth plan and all I said was, an 'epidural and a healthy baby.' " 

Her response: "Birth plan? What the heck is that? Isn't everyone's plan to you know, have a baby?"

I chuckled to myself... "yep, you'd think so."

The conversation took turns all over the place surrounding the topic of motherhood, but she then shared a story with me I might never forget.

She told me about a time when she was a young girl. They had a pool in their backyard and she was swimming in it alone. It had never dawned on her that neither of her parents were out there watching her. Not even a sibling. She went on top of the roof of the shed and dove off into the pool. She instantly realized it was a bad idea because she smacked her head on the bottom of the pool. She swam to the top and caught her her breath from being terrified. She then said, "And can you guess what I was thinking about when I was holding on to the ledge gasping for air?"

I answered: "Well, that was probably the first time you realized your parents maybe should be out there watching you."

Her answer: "Nope, I realized I should never do that dumb dive again. It taught me to figure it out for myself and I made sure to never do it again. Sure if my parents were out there they would've told me not to do it in the first place, but I wouldn't have known why. I instead figured it out for myself. Nowadays, if someone heard that story they would've called CPS."

I laughed with her as we exchanged a few more ridiculous motherhood moments such as the time a lady made sure to come up to me as I was putting Oaklyn in her car seat and asked if I was hurting her because she was crying.
I wanted to smack her and ask if she's ever put a tired 10 month old in a car seat but I decided to let her think she was the best dog mom around instead.
There was also the time I gave Oaklyn one of those lollipops at the grocery store checkout and the woman behind me decided she should advise me not to give my one year old sugar.

I "can't wait" to see what other stories the rest of my motherhood journey will bring but I can almost guarantee it'll bring several more nights I fall asleep feeling guilty because I'm not cut out to be a mother in this era.
Sure, there are several gadgets we have now that our grandmothers could have only dreamed of back when they were mothers.
My mom couldn't believe they didn't have something as simple as a pacifier clip when I was little now that it's always attached to Oaklyn.
We may have all this awesome gear to "simplify" our lives now, but we also have too many "Nazi Moms" that are right there to tell us our child is going to die because we gave them goldfish in their lunchbox, used the off brand of sunscreen, or gave them a sippy cup that isn't bpa free.
Then there's the people that either have never been a parent, or think they're the perfect one (because they got lucky and got an easy kid) that give you dirty looks because your child dared to actually make a peep while you were shopping.
Or maybe you've all come across someone that thinks you could have been watching your child better when they get hurt.
I'm sure there was a little of this judgement back in the time Hunter's grandma was a mother, but by the sound of it, I should've given birth in that era.

The thing is, the mom groups are awesome, the ability to share knowledge with each other over the internet is great, and the freedom we get to decide how our child is born is exactly what some moms want.
But, the complexity of being a mother now is insane.
I mean come on, we have an entire aisle just dedicated to car seats.
How the heck is anyone supposed to know which one to buy??
I remember standing in the aisle when it was time to move Oaklyn out of her infant seat and feeling so overwhelmed with choices I almost just wanted to give up.
The mother next to me asked "Do you know what percentage of steel Chicco uses in their car seats?"
I looked at her with eyes wide open and said, you're gonna have to ask siri... I didn't even know car seats had steel in them.
Then I looked at Oaklyn and felt so sorry for her that I didn't know everything about everything and felt like I was inadequate to be her mom.
She smiled at me and drooled a little on her shirt and I remembered that I grew up on Koolaid and Lunchables with turkey that may have actually been rubber.
 And ya know what, I think I turned out just fine.

Being a mom nowadays means information you didn't ask for being thrown at your face every way you turn.
It means another mom disagreeing with your every decision or judging you for doing something different than they did.
It means wondering if you're doing the right thing at every moment of the day and questioning yourself with every move you make.
But it shouldn't be that way...

So here's me, another average mom, telling you that you are doing A-Okay mama.
If your baby is fed whether that be breast milk or formula, whole milk or goats milk, homemade purees or gerber jars, you're doing it right.
If your child gets sleep when they're tired, whether that's in your bed or their crib, in your arms or in their swing, with a sound machine or nothing at all, you are doing your job.
If your child is learning, whether that be home school or public school, charter school or private school, community college or a university, you should be proud of yourself for getting them that far.
If you think for one second you are failing according to the new standards of being a mom, you are not.
Keep smothering your kid with kisses, help them achieve their goals, give them a dang chicken nugget, and tell them how much you love them.
Because seriously, there is absolutely no right way to parent.
There are a million and a half suggestions if you want to listen to them, but being a mama is hard enough.
Instead just ask yourself "What would grandma do?"

All my love,
Aleigh Joy

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