Don't know what's down this road.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012
I have neglected this blog. For almost an entire month. Weird how that happens isn't it? I almost forgot entirely about it. There have just been other things on my mind lately. When I did think about blogging however, nothing ever seemed worth the while. I feel like blog posts should be nothing short of happiness and remembering all your favorite memories. Don't get me wrong, there have been many happy times over the course of a month, just nothing I felt like sharing. There are a few things I want to share, just not today. I can't seem to get myself to sit down and type for a while unless it is complete randomness. We went to Utah, it was awesome. I went on the trek, it was wonderful. I have hung out with my family more, that has been the best of all.

My mind has been all over the place, which seems to be the norm for myself these days. I can't control everything going on in my mind, scenarios and "what if's" constantly flood my brain.

Graduating high school is seriously a weird time in life. I'm trying to figure it all out and most importantly, figure out what I want for myself. After 12 grades of public schooling, I'm now technically allowed by law to run free and do as I please. I liked the thought of that my senior year. You know: freedom. I had this big plan for myself and saw a bright future. I worked it all out in my head and it seemed picture perfect. I overlooked the details however. Oh yeah... the details.

Details always seem to get the best of me. Those details happen to be the crazy thoughts going wild in this teenage mind of mine. What I wanted for myself and what I want now... don't quite seem to add up. I hate reality right now.

School, as in college, didn't seem to be in the near future for me for a while. I don't like school, pretty much at all. I think public schooling will do that to about anyone after taking several classes that aren't even the slightest bit appealing. So, I took on the idea of working full time and saving up for the future. I got a full time job, I worked there for a week. Remember how I was saying things I "thought" were what I wanted didn't add up to what I really wanted? Well, this is the definition of being proven wrong. I'm thankful for the experience so I could learn for myself what path will really bring me happiness, I just wish I could figure these things out quicker.

I was working in an office, with 4 grown men and 1 grown woman who knew exactly what they were doing. My job entitled me to do many computer "things" that were way over my head and other miscellaneous tasks that were far from appealing. After leaving my first day and driving home in tears, I should have guessed it wasn't really what I wanted. After this progressing everyday for that matter and anxiety building up causing lack of sleep, school came back into my options. I made a decision, I want to go to school. I felt content with my decision, and still do. I'm 18 years old and have my entire life ahead of me. I'm prone to make mistakes right now and find out all that life really has to offer me shortly following.

So for my own personal remembrance: I need to figure out what I want for myself, and nobody else. I need to think things through completely, you know level out the pro's and con's. I need to do more of what makes ME happy.

I'll now leave you with some instagram happenings.

For Nikki's birthday, we went to see the Katy Perry movie!

On a Friday, I went to dinner with the fam!
Seriously, just what I needed :)
On a Monday, brother mother and I went to see the Dark Knight
I love random outings

Well, Until next time (which hopefully won't be in a month),

All my love,
-Aleigh Joy

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